Tree of Awareness
Narcissist’s do not simply crawl under, climb over, and run through your boundaries. To a narcissist, such boundaries simply do not exist.
Simply because, a narcissist sees any potential boundary you attempt to establish as a personal affront to the narcissist and as a red flag to VIOLATE the boundary in order to regain control.
The narcissist does not understand “what is yours is yours and what is mine is mine”.
Narcissists only sees things in relation to self. So, anything of “yours” is, in the narcissist’s mind, also property of the narcissist’s. Thus, to the narcissist no personal boundary of yours if EVER violated. HOw could it be? You and everything about you is part of the narcissist in his or her mind.
I have experienced this quiet a bit lately.
As you may know, we are moving- Yeah!! We are leaving my husband’s ex-wife behind (at least that is our plan- I felt when we signed the contract on our new home there should have been a clause that if she moves in again across the street from us, we could exit the contract with no penalty.)
She really thought, being a narcissist with a low skill set, that when she originally moved in across the street from us 7 years ago that she would basically be the Queen of two households. And, then, she met me.
So, yesterday we had a yard sale to prepare for our move. As my husband and I are putting things out, I catch a glimpse of his ex-wife peering across her fence at us from across the park with a camera or something.
I don’t think too much about it.
Next thing I know, once our sale begins at 8, my husband’s phone is ringing. It’s his ex-wife. (by the way, she is NEVER up and dressed on weekends this early.). She noted my art easel appeared to be for sale and she wanted to know the price.
She then we requested we save the item for her. Okay…whatever!!
Next thing I know, she is pulling up in her mini-van – shopping our sale! Seriously! She is trying out our furniture, asking my husband what he thinks. She was here for over 10 minutes, like she thought this was NORMAL!!! ( I know, as I was hiding out in the garage with our dog).
this is NOT normal. This is not a “happily-ever-after” divorce situation.
This whole “I have no idea of a proper boundary” approach to life that she lives was only confirmed with her idea recently that when we move, she wanted to know if she and her boyfriend could use the pool in our new community and be our guests.
Hello! We are moving to get away from her- not share bonding time around the pool together.
She simply has no, no awareness of how awkward and personally violating she is. She, like many narcissists, demonstrates the grace of Frankenstein when interacting with others.
As she pulled away from our sale, she told my husband, “Make sure to thank Kim for the easel.”
Wow, that’s great. That easel was put out there JUST FOR YOU.
The refrain every narcissist loves to hear.
Never doubt your abilities to set boundaries when you see them trampled by a narcissist. You and your boundaries are NOT the problem.