The Color Scheme of the Narcissist

I am lied to often by my stepchildren in regards to their mother. More times than I would care to count.

Of course, they would never refer to their statements as telling lies. They are simply carrying forth the world their mother creates for them.

Similar to all with narcissistic tendencies, she is capable of creating both a black and white world -

She and the children as “superior” to others. Certain other people are “nasty” (she actually uses that word). The level of blaming and projection know no end. Children, other than her own, are labeled as “bad”. Her own children are perfect, until they not, (i.e., when they fail her), then they, too, are labeled “bad” or worse.

and at the same time, against this black and white background, she creates a multi-colored spectrum and a range of gray areas –

Against the black and white world in which she places others, her world is a whole rainbow of colors representing the exaggerations, misunderstanding, stories, half-truths- label them what you will – that explain her behaviors.

A narcissist in full display of telling lies is like a technicolor display. No color combination or color display is too much. They will pull out all stops. Words and their meanings no longer are black and white. Oh, no, not when a narcissist is in story telling mode.

Then, words have no meaning or multiple meanings. Nothing is black or white, there needs to be compassion, understanding, awareness when the narcissist lies. Gray areas have multiple meanings and each potential meaning and explanation, in the narcissist’s mind, should be given the utmost time and attention no matter how ridiculous and insane the context.

When it comes to their own behaviors, narcissist’s see themselves with rainbow-prismed glasses.

The world, according to them, is black and white, while they perceive themselves as the only rainbow in the land.

Take off the Mask

Bird

Bird



Take off the false mask.
You are not a puppet with strings
around your neck.

As sometimes happens, my art appears with a message that I may be too dense to hear.
Although the words may elude me, the art resonates with me.
I think of my stepson. He has always loved my animal images and requested several times I create a book of these images.

I wonder sometimes the “masks” he wears. Uncertain of who he is and who he needs to be to please others.

And this is something to which we can all relate. How many false masks do you wear? How often do you let the false puppet strings control your voice and being?

Sometimes You Just have to Celebrate

Love

Love

Sometimes you just have to celebrate the good stuff. :)

We can get so caught up in analysis, working on things, planning, projecting, anticipating, improving and on and on and on….

we can miss what we already have.

I have been given the gift of a great marriage to a really wonderful man. Yes, we have our “moments” but 90% of the time it is really, really good. The picture above is of myself and my husband about a month ago at an outdoor concert. The best part of being married to him is that I really enjoy doing these types of things with him.

Before I got married at the ripe ol’ age of 37, I had taken a few years “break” from dating. I had made one promise to myself (which I continue to repeat to my stepdaughter as she matures and begins to think about dating) that I would not date any man who acted like a jerk.

That is it- an entire relationship dynamic reduced to one, bottom-line point.

And it worked.

So despite all my ramblings about any number of topics, hopes, dreams, and insights, I just wanted to take one moment to simply be grateful for what already is present in my life.

Sometimes, you just have to celebrate what you already have.

The View of the Narcissist

Free Advice

Free Advice

Dear Narcissist,

I am sick of you and your conniving, scheming ways.

I am sick of your “elastic” view of time. Things that happened years ago, you throw in my face as if I had done the act minutes ago.

“Never forgive and always retain” has always been your motto for the “failures” of others.

Your transgressions, of course, are never remembered, because in your mind, there is always, always a reason of why you said and acted as you did. Thus, you have never once transgressed another.

I am tired of your meandering, exploitative comments and conversations.

Oh, God, if I had penny for every minute I had to listen to your convoluted stories of your “suffering” in regards to any number of persons, places, things, and objects which have wronged you.

I am equally sick of your ridiculous, self-serving, condescending words and gestures that “explain” your behaviors.

We have a word for these delusionally-crafted, whimsical tales- and the word is “lies”.

I am beyond sick and tired of not only the lies but your subsequent belief that I should (of course) completely believe all of these lies despite mounds of evidence to the contrary. And then labeling me as “stupid” when I “fail to get it.”

Oh, dear Narcissist, I get it. I truly do. And that is something that gets under your skin at the most visceral level-

I see you, I truly do.

And this, dear narcissist, is where we stand.

I know you.

And you in your narcissistic, conniving, encapsulating ways are doing everything you can to have me put my blinders on again.

Blinded once, but now I see.

What are you going to do, dear narcissist, what are you going to do to change my vision of you?

And here we come to the point of your consuming rage- something that you likely learned about yourself so long ago in the contemplative pit of darkness that you call home-

there truly is no changing you, dear narcissist.

And that is why you will move heaven and earth with rage and fear to change those in your sphere.

Where many of us work with hope and optimism, as we should, trusting in our potential to change for the better- you are stuck with you, and that, dear narcissist, must be the thought that makes you most sick and tired.

You are you, and there you are.

What fear must come upon you when you realize it will be only you who can not take a step forward beyond your current state?

Growth and change, so unavailable to you, has you tilting at windmills trying to change those around you – because they have the gift – the one you know that will never be yours- the sacred belief and expression in the ability to change.

While you, my dear narcissist, will remain exactly where you first claimed, with eyes blinded to change.

Fall

Silence

Silence

Fall asks us to begin the curl
into ourselves- a reclaiming, if you will-
of the quiescent state in which we re-formulate.

—-
For those of you, like me, who are enjoying the call to move inwardly into quiet inaction may you enjoy this time of Fall.
Slowness can be celebrated, as can a sense of pulling inwards, rather than projecting outwards. We fan the world with our flaming colors before we step back into nothingness.