As you move through a passage of transformation, you do not always get to choose what you take with you.
Life is not the TSA with an approved list of things you can pack.
In life, we often seek a new “destination” in a metaphorical sense. So many are driven by the sense of possible change. We desire a a new life, a more balanced, healthier way of being. I include myself with these seekers.
Yet, too often, when I envision this “new” life, I picture traveling into this space as I am now. The landscape of my life, in my mind, will change into something represented like some picture on an esoteric travel brochure touting a destination point filled with light and love.
And, I will be the traveler who has carried all my current luggage and bags to this new landscape, as if these items will be needed.
The landscape around me will have changed, yet I see the same ol’ Kim, as I am on April 19th, 2014 in this new place.
This type of thinking is the complete a** backwards approach to how change will actually manifest in my life.
If I am to travel anywhere into a new life and new way of being, it will be I who will change.
My boss will still be the same. My work environment is unlikely to change. My stepchildren are not going to magically transform.
But, I, Kim, will change – and that one idea, will literally change everything in my world.
I know so many of you are seeking changes in your lives right now. Please, be smarter than I am. When you pray for change, pray for the change within you.
Bow your head and say simply “Please, whatever shifts are needed in my life, let them begin with me, internally. Let me feel the energy within myself arise in a new way, so that when I step into the life I am seeking, I am blessed with knowing, I have arrived as a new being.”
I created this art in response to a prompt from someone. It is called “Reaching” and I consider it a picture of rising up from the depths of our Beings, perhaps from places very, very dark, and reaching up to grab our light in this world.
I hope you feel this way today.
What happened to me and my intact self?
I believed I was indestructible, and now I see pieces of me rolling on the floor.
I count them- the pieces-to reassure myself.
To my delight, nothing has been lost.
Perched on my post of awareness
I see my pieces are simply seeking a new arrangement.
I almost pray in tears having to trust in the between
state of being taken apart and being put back together with Heart.
That I, unlike Humpty Dumpty, and without those helpful King’s men,
will be put back together again.
There are times in each of our lives that despite the best preparation, the most awesome awareness, the most insightful insights, we feel a bit torn apart by situations. We lose our balance and almost stumble, reaching for something solid within our psyche to give us encouragement and heart.
We do not even know what to say to ourselves to keep going. And this is where blogging can come in. We are stronger than any situational limitation that confronts us. Truly, we are. Our blogs show us this. I do not know how exactly, but my blog tells me what I need to hear.
Asked to simply think about situations on my own, I would fail to find vocabulary. Put the blank posting page in front of me, though, and my Spirit sees its openings and writes and writes some more. Always winking back at me with “Are you listening? Are you listening?”
I realize what a gift I have been given. The writing is never about finding answers- it’s all about simply understanding.
This art is very important to me. On the post in the center is a basic symbol used for a pine cone (these have been appearing in my dreams). Pinecones symbolize our pineal gland, 3rd eye- our most insightful awareness. My pineal gland sits above this current situation I am in.
The pineal gland witnesses the pieces of me- which are round, colored balls – representing my chakras. Yes, they feel separated right now. I am not sure who I am. But, the strength in this image stands. There is lightness and hope in the picture and I am blessed with not only hearing, but seeing, what I need to understand.
i don’t know if anyone is feeling as I am today- but I hope the words and images give you some hope :)
Why do we sow the seeds that we sow and then fear the harvest?
I have seen many people, my self included, who plant to the most beautiful seeds. And then cultivate, watch over and care for these seeds.
By seeds I mean the personal work these people undertake. They are working to recover from abuse, addiction, limited mindsets and more. They do their work. They read their books, they write their stories, doggedly pushing along for insights and awareness.
They weed their minds, mining for negative, intrusive thoughts that threaten to strangle their growth.
And then the seed sprouts. New opportunities begin to appear. Seedlings push through seeking light and we are still ok at that point. A seedling isn’t that threatening after all. It could be anything.
And as these new opportunities appear we embrace them. We watch the seedling go a bit farther as it flowers and blooms and we are struck by its beauty.
But then we get stuck. We sowed and we grew- and now we need to harvest. The harvest is the embracing of all your hard work and the acknowledgment on the physical plane that you brought something new into existence and you nurtured it to the point of completion of its cycle.
The harvest is to be the reward of all the hard work. Yet, too many of us fear the harvests of our lives. I do not know why. We do all the work to change, and then we fear to grab hold of the fruits of our labors. We almost, almost, let the fruits die on the vine.
Please don’t do this in your life. If you put in the work to plant and cultivate the seeds, step into the place in which you reap the rewards of your work. Harvest the fruits, believe you deserve this new state of symbolic sustenance.
This art work and writing came about b/c of the book I had finished in February. That was planting a seed in my life, yet I have not embraced the harvest. I wanted to ignore I had done this work and in my mind “just move on”- leaving my plantings to fend for themselves.
My inner artist is the most honest part of me and basically said “No way. You put that seed in the ground and watched it grow. You are not going to leave fruit on the vine.”
Basically, my book has given me some opportunities that I almost passed by. That is, until I did this piece of art. I can tell I have not processed this issue very well by the state of this artistic piece.
But where you are is where you are. So I posted with piece as it is- incomplete and muddied as I continue to work with the idea of my own harvest.
Your hands, created in the image of God,
only hold so much.
The heart may be infinite,
But the hand is bound by its constructive limitations
And thus, you must ask yourself-
what am I willing to hold-
the light or the dark in this life
for I don’t have space to hold them both.
Whatever you hold onto, you will carry it with you in this life. Wisely choose- what exactly it is that you are holding onto.
The Things We Lend
Once when I had lost hope, I spoke to you.
And you, in your infinite kindness, gave me yours to borrow.
…so that I may become.
We are all metaphorically walking somewhere. We are moving, even in if just in our minds towards something- a new state of becoming and being. We metaphorically walk and walk and walk in order to be in this state of newness.
This movement is how we are built. If you look at the feet, it is pretty clear they are made primarily for unidirectional movement- forward. Sure, they can participate in lateral movements, and even backwards, but function follows form- so forward it is.
Yet, it seems to be human nature, at times, that we make a few steps forward and then we do a slow slide backwards. We make good/great food choices and feel wonderful and then we eat junk food and wonder why. Or we finally have set firm, solid boundaries with an abusive ex- only to pick up the phone with his or her next call. At work, we may create a functional plan for keeping ahead of timelines and then procrastinate and let it slip.
What is up with this? Why do we oscillate so much? Forward- backward-forward-backward—Our feet are not built this way. We don’t walk upon soles shaped liked rocking chairs.
So how do we get out of this pendulum-like quality to our actions?
We decide, consciously, to focus on our last place of success. You see, when we oscillate back and forth- not only do we lose forward momentum, but we feel like we need to build from our most recent/lowest point- our last failure, i.e. our last “bad” meal, the most unproductive work day, etc.
Do NOT use this approach. If you want to gain momentum and move forward in your life- think and remember your last point of success in whatever endeavor concerns you. Maybe it was the last time you successfully ignored your ex- or the last time you performed great at work.
Whatever it is, build from that last success. That is your most forward point and you want to move on from that point into further forward momentum. Do not get caught up in the drama of your last failure and how far you have fallen. It doesn’t matter.
You are looking to move ahead further than ever before- that means you must build up and forward from your last success.
Forward, forward, forward…keep believing in your next step beyond your last success.
I may look solid and firm, but
I, too, deserve the warmth
and light of love.
Sometimes when we have gone through something difficult, whether relatively recent or in our distant past, we learn to protect ourselves.
We build up walls and foundations so we may never feel that vulnerable again.
And we may appear mountain-like to others- solid structures, untouchable by the whims of life.
Yet, I drew this picture to show that even mountains are warmed by the sun’s light.
And those who may appear strong, who may be “healed” in their own mind or the mind’s of others, are not beyond the need to reach for light and love.
Never shut yourself off completely. It is ok to need love, no matter how strong you feel you need to be.
Perhaps it is the fact we are in the middle of renal lectures now in my class that I was inspired to draw this.
Although, I really don’t think that is the reason.
If you are familiar with “Eastern” medicine, the kidneys are associated with the “negative” emotion of fear. They are also associated with the color of blue.
In their anatomical association with the body, the kidney vasculature system drains into the renal vein which drains into the inferior vena cava which heads up towards and drains into the heart.
And I guess this got me thinking.
What if we imagined our fears being drained from the kidneys and making their ways to our hearts which transforms them?
In the picture I drew the energy of the kidneys and the path of the inferior vena cava leading to the heart, which sits above them, as it does in our bodies.
And in this image, I see Your heart triumphing over all of Your fears.
Your Heart is but trellis for Spirit’s vine to grow towards the Light.
Your Heart does not need to be perfect or even close to perfect for your Spirit to grow.
Like the tenacious vine, Spirit seeks the Light.
The vine will use brick, mortar, old wood, new wood, iron posts and more to creep and crawl its way toward the sky.
Why would you think your Spirit would do any less?
Your Heart is the trellis and Spirit only knows one thing, “Grow!”
I have not posted in a while, nor have I been able to stay up with reading the blogs of others as much as I would like. I have missed so many of your words of inspiration and insight. I feel moments have passed in which I would have learned something.
Unfortunately, I hit the colloquial brick wall this week. Suddenly, my body hurt. I have been confused by my next step. I have hung on by a thread energetically, when normally I have energy to spare.
As I think many of us are experiencing right now, my life is changing rapidly. I feel my wing span has opened, opened more, and opened even more. But, I don’t trust in my ability to fly with these new wings.
Suddenly, I feel like Ironman in a suit that is not working properly. I am flying here and there with no sense of control or direction. (This happened in one Ironman movie. I can not remember which one.)
(I have no ability to remember movie lineages or contexts. Despite my husband and stepson repeatedly trying to inform me about the Avengers, X men, Wolverine, Thor, and Marvel comics, I can never remember if these are one in the same or different entities. But, put Robert Downey, Jr. or Chris Hemsworth in anything, and I am there, regardless of story line.)
I am a bird perched on a nest- afraid I am going to be blown down by strong winds. But unable to leave and fly, because I am unsure my wings can handle the tumultuous drafts heading my way.
So, I sit on that nest high up in the tree, and tweak my wings. Waiting like Ironman (who in my heart, I believe I am to be that strong) for a new suit that fits and flies straight, one that I can believe.
Although this art picture is a bit strange, I like it. There is my heart in the nest. Swirls of turbulence surround me. My wings are awkward- different sizes and shaped like a bat’s. I never draw wings like this, but my inner artist indicated this was to be it.
Bats represent the following: high sensitivity to surroundings, keen awareness. Often the spirit of the bat is invoked when special energy is needed, such as “night-sight” which is the ability to see through illusion and ambiguity and dive straight into the truth of matters.
The last part sounded perfect to me. I need special energy right now- perhaps I have my superheros mixed up- Batman anyone?
(Animal symbolism obtained from What’s Your Sign)