Your Heart is All God Has to Save the World

Heart Hope

Heart Hope

We can fool ourselves all we want.
We can blame it on finances, time,
lack of awareness, confusion, apathy,
religion, hate, judgements, fear, superiority,
convenience or contrivance for the state
the world is in.

And we can try to solve the problems
by changing the list herein.

But the simple fact is this-
the only hope God has for saving the world
is through your Heart.

You can spend the time, you can spend the money,
you can have the “right” religion and speak in tongues
of love. You can pray and you can beg.

If the Heart, though, is out of alignment and can not
provide the drive- all acts become supplications -

which God already answered by giving you the
Heart that beats within.

Buddha Vision

Bird's Eye

Bird’s Eye

When you fly by
and see your life with the bird’s eyes

What do you see-
that needs to be?

Look again,
And now see with Buddha sight
all you have been given.

—-
I think how we view our lives has a profound effect on how we feel and what we manifest in life.
I sometimes ask myself to look at my life with “Buddha eyes” so I can really see what needs to be, and also note all the blessings already given.

How to Change Your Life

Changing Spots

Changing Spots



Once when walking in the Night, a Leopard came upon the Light.
The Light was not for see-ing, but rather Be-ing
Touched by its beam, the Leopard lost its identity
and in doing so, gained all of eternity.

This image came to me on many levels.

During my PhD career (which began somewhat roughly- I was hit by a car while walking and almost killed), I was told by an advisor that at first, some professors had come to the conclusion about me that “a leopard does not change its spots”. I had struggled early on trying to find my place in the program after such trauma, and only found my footing a year or two into it.

He later noted that he was pleased to see I had “changed my spots”.

This image was a play on that conversation. We all have the capability to change (don’t let others tell you otherwise). A big part of change, however, is sometimes giving up the unique identity (our particular spots) which we hold dear.

I liked the image of this Leopard walking at night (our lack of awareness) and once touched by the Light, the Leopard was no longer attached to its limited self-identity, and traded its particular circles for spirals, thus gaining eternity (symbolically).

YOu change your life by seeing yourself in a new way. You can not remain in darkness and change. Nor can you remain attached to your self-identity and change.

Sometimes, you have to give up a particular definition of “Self” to gain so much more. Isn’t that what all the wonderful, grand traditions tell us?

We are the Leopards walking in darkness, wondering why our spots are still the same. When we could gain eternity, if we could only give up our attachment to things staying the same.

The image also came to me b/c my stepson is doing a report on Leopards. He is very artistic and although he likes all of my work, I know he secretly believes that all my “other” art work (i.e., non-animal images) are just holding a space for the “really good” stuff to emerge (i.e. the animal image).

He is patiently waiting for me to produce a book on my “best stuff”- which would be the animals. THis is for him :)

The Delusion Collusion of Stepparenting

This posting is a TBT- Throwback Topic posting.

I have not written about stepparenting for a long time, yet it was the topic that brought me to blogging as I attempted to keep my head above water in this strange dynamic.

My early blogs were a “way out” from my circular thinking. Something about the linear process of writing helped me to connect A to B to C, whereas before I may have gotten me from A to B, but my route also went through K, P, Q T and R before lopping around back to B.

I still find myself on the knife-edge of awareness when listening to others speak about stepparenting and stepparents in general. We can not seem to move past the colorful illusions we put upon this group.

At a gathering the other day, I was listening to a therapist speak about how (this is how I took her comments) stepparents, especially women, without their own children tend to overstep the boundaries and want to “parent” the children.

Really, according to this therapist, the stepparent’s job was to help the biological parent become a better parent…

Huh?

I think the desire and effort to become a better parent would manifest from the biological parent (the person who actually HAD the children).

Wouldn’t it be super awesome if the biological parent could be so invested in the parenting of the children he or she brought into the world, that it would be the biological parent who could then extend all the parenting knowledge and energy into helping the stepparent (the one without their own children) into becoming a better parent?

This approach wasn’t even discussed.

This is only my thinking, but I find we do this a great deal as a culture with certain topics. We begin with an incorrect/distorted premise, and then wonder why all subsequent theories, strategies, and responses are distorted.

It was interesting listening to the therapist’s comments and how many were directed at the stepparent’s behaviors.

I would think a better use of time and energy in all stepfamily dynamics would be to focus on the BIOLOGICAL parents and their dynamics. Then, you are actually working with the group with the authentic authority and energy.

When focus is continually placed on the person or group who does not have the true power in a situation, resolution is next to impossible.

Biological parents have the ultimate authority with their children. I would suggest they and their therapists focus on the effective use of this power, and place it front and center, rather than the stepparent.

Beyond Limitations

Flight

Flight

I may only be one person. Strung out along my limitations.
Until I see an image such as this.
And, I am again reminded
that I, as we all are,
was created for flight, powered by the Heart,
that infinite part of us, which has never know limitation.


Sometimes, there are pieces of art that I do that serve as touchstones for me. This is one of them. Too, often, I use my limitations like a blind person feeling along the way for the boundaries of life.

If I would open my eyes, perhaps, I could see, as the image shows, I have been designed for flight, powered by infinity.

Aren’t we all?

I wonder how many are like me, and keep feeling along the boundaries of their lives, looking for limitations, rather than believing in flight?

Publishing?…Does your book have These?

Determination

Determination

Every creator has this hope-
that his or her creation will be strong enough to walk out into the world on its own, with an eye for the right journey.

—–
I wanted to celebrate sending off the book proposal, and I liked this image. You have to trust your creations enough to let them go. They should have “feet” of their own in which to engage the world and an eye for where they belong.

I liked in the image that it looks like the book figure is walking in a stream. I did not intend that but it made me think of the stream of consciousness.

What do you expect Children of Narcissists to do?

On Target

On Target

Children of narcissists are incredibly resilient.
Their lives are lived in the foggy environment of narcissistic projections.
They reach out again and again to connect and there is nothing there authentically present from the parental perspective.
The hands of the children continually grasp and come up with air.
But this is too much to bear, so they keep trying and then trying some more.
Some way, some how, they magically tell themselves, the hand they grasp for will be there.
And it never is.
So they grasp some more. Distorted stories emerge. Parental fantasies abound. And the children continue to perform upon the stage of the parent’s delusions.
It’s all they have- for to walk off that stage of narcissistic projections- would be for the child to exist no more.

—-
This is the pain of children of narcissists. Their entire lives are spent in a production performance lived upon the parent’s distorted stage. At times, the children know this, but they can’t stop the compulsion to perform, for they know, having lived it their entire lives, that to stop performing, would mean they no longer exist, child or not, in the narcissist’s eyes, parent or not.

So they perform. Wildly, crazily, a swirling dervish they become, all in attempt to “earn” some love.

This is the life of a child of a narcissist.

Resonating with the Irrelevant…What My Book Proposal Has Taught Me

Resonance

Resonance

I am just now wrapping up a book proposal on the topic of female embodiment and the power inherent in women. It was, in some ways, a delight to write. I focused on creating the book in a format that resonated with who I am as a creator. Thus, I included artistic images, poems, and bits and pieces from my speaking engagements surrounding this topic.

All was well and good, until about 3 days ago. I have been so busy with so many commitments that, although I was working on the proposal a great deal, I really was not paying attention to where I was in the process.

Suddenly- and this is the very tricky part for any creator- I realized I was almost done.

And that is when the panic hit.

When completion of a project is a dream in the distance, it is difficult to feel nervous. But, bring a project close to fruition and suddenly you begin to doubt and second guess yourself.

I came a little unhinged in the final segments I was working on – the introductory letter and opening material of the proposal.

I could not determine what I wanted to say or how I wanted to say it. I wrote in circles and deleted and wrote in more circles.

I began calling friends to get their opinions. They were busy and did not pick up the phone, so I called again. Never leaving a message until I tried at least twice.

I am embarrassed to say it was a writer’s version of “drunk dialing”.

Until I understood what was going on.

I was using my energy attempting to resonate with the most irrelevant aspects of my project and then wondering why I no longer felt assured in what I was doing.

I was spending an inordinate amount of time worrying about ridiculous matters- the 2nd and 3rd sentences in the 4th paragraph of my introductory letter- really? When the body of my work was whole, complete, and authentic.

Let me tell you this, the main body of the proposal will either resonate with the publisher or it won’t. The acceptance or rejection of the project will hardly hinge on sentence 3 of the 4th paragraph, but that is where I let my focus take me.

It’s an old defense mechanism of creative types the world over. Let me attempt to resonate with the irrelevant, so I do not have to look too closely and honestly at what I have created. For if I were to stand in front of my own authentic creation and allow the significance of what I have created resonate with me, I truly don’t know if I could stand it.

Once I understood what I was doing, I could let it go and stop calling my friends.

We are never at our best when we attempt to resonate with the irrelevant in our lives- whether that irrelevant is contained in a creative project, the details of a relationship, a work situation or whatever. We are only at our best when we authentically resonate with our best, most significant aspects of our work.

The Power of Having Your Eyes Opened

Eye Opening

Eye Opening

Yesterday I blogged about a conversation my husband and I had that really opened my eyes to what he had been thinking. Basically, unbeknownst to each other, we had been working at cross-purposes. He was waiting for one thing and I was waiting for the opposite to happen.

We had, because we are that type of slow couple, been in this pattern for years, completely blinded to it.

I realized that it is only when our vision opens and truly sees that we are capable of using effectively the energy present in our lives. Otherwise, we are using energy but it is energy spent bumping symbolically into one barricade after another.

Open your eyes, and suddenly you pull the energy differently to yourself and you are actually able to navigate the objects in your life rather than stumble over them.

This symbolic opening of the eye and truly seeing is crucial to our development and should not be overlooked. If you do not honor the truth that is present by seeing it, you continue to cycle in darkness.

This applies to all things in life. Let’s say you are losing weight- if you don’t open your symbolic eyes and truly see your new, thinner self, you will continue to wander in the dark sense of being overweight. If you don’t open your eyes and see that you are no longer abusing alcohol or your body or your heart, you will continue to be in the dark sense of abuse.

We must be willing to honestly look at what is presented to us and see what is there. It does not mean that things are magically fine. It simply means when are eyes are open we are finally dealing with truth and reality, relatively solid items from which we can navigate and gain our bearings.

Keeping our eyes tightly closed only serves to keep us in our sense of limitation.

When You have one of those”Is that what we are talking about?” Conversations

walkingwithinfinity

Have you ever been in a conversation in which the other person, with a complete lack of awareness, says something so profound and transformative in regards to your relationship it is as if a big “Aha” sign lights up the sky?

My husband and I had such a moment the other day. I leave my house very early, even on the weekends, when my stepkids are home. I simply learned early on that being a morning person living in the household that I do was not going to work.

I will have done 3 or so hours of work at Starbucks only to arrive home with everyone still not dressed, complaining that “Gee whiz, McDonald’s stops serving breakfast sooo early. We will never make it there on time.”

McDonald’s stops serving breakfast at 10:30 for the simple reason its breakfast, not brunch, and the rest of the world, having been up for hours, is ready to move. (We live 3 minutes away from McDonald’s by the way. Someone walking with a severe limp could be there in 15 minutes).

One thing that is important to me is that our home, in the common areas, be relatively picked up.

So, I return at 1:30, the dishwasher is still not unloaded, somehow someone had an “issue” with the peanut butter and it is now all over a pencil, pen, and pad of paper on the counter and so on.

I ask my stepkids to come into the kitchen to handle some of this mess. Immediately, I am confronted with “Oh my gosh…Oh my gosh…” by my 14 year old stepdaughter, as my husband stands, silently, a sentinel to I don’t know what.

Things devolved from there.

Later that evening, we are in bed and my husband’s says, “I don’t know why you always get so dramatic and intense over things.” (Because, yes, what adult doesn’t love to be told by a child “Oh my gosh…Oh my gosh…” when making a request of that child.)

He then transformed my awareness of our marriage and my perceived role as stepparent. He said to me, “Why don’t you just tell Sally to do it? There is no need to fight her.”

To paraphrase a 14-year-old…”Oh my gosh…” This is how my husband sees me in relation to his kids???

I, little ol’ me, the stepparent, am so omnipotent that Gee whiz, all I need to do is tell my stepchildren to do something and they do it? By golly, with my PhD and everything, you think I would have thought of that!

His words encapsulated the problem driven by his perception. He could not bring himself to say anything to his daughter. He likes to be the “good guy”. He chose to be silent, while she, in his mind, was supposed to be willing to listen to me.

Are you kidding me?

I look back on all the situations we have had similar to this, so wanting my husband to engage and take charge of his children, and there he was, silently awaiting for me to say “Just do it” and all, in his magical thinking, would be well in the world.

Oh my gosh… :)