A Woman’s Sacred Land

Pushing Through

Pushing Through

Perseverance is the light that overcomes the acts of others trying to keep you in darkness.
Just as light triumphs darkness, every act of perseverance dispels the harm others would lay upon you.

This image and the idea of perseverance have so been on my mind lately. I received an e-mail from a kind, wonderful person who is being mistreated. It made me want to write the following…

Sacred Ground

you have always been the walking wounded

twisting the soft, beautiful soul and spirit of others
into some maniacal crutch

as you gimped, staggered and dragged any
and all who came near

I am not your prop. I am not your crutch.

I am a woman of glory
who walks upon this land with a power

rightfully called by the single, holy name of “Mine”

And you in your feeble state, sadly played by you as if it were fate,
will not take one step ever again

upon my sacred land.

I am Woman…And This is How I Survive

Survival

Survival

I am Woman of a Queenly-Size

You may blind Me
You may bind Me

And still, still, I will Survive

The Owl-Like Wisdom of Woman
does not reside in my Eyes.

The Owl-Like Wisdom of Woman
does not reside in my Ears.

The Owl-Like Wisdom is Inside Me.
I am woman born to Survive.

Blind and deaf you would mute Me
and I with Blind man eyes

and Silent Ears will Fly
with Talons extended to capture and kill.

Survival, as Woman-born, has always
been my innate skill.

Sometimes I don’t know how we do it, how we survive it all as women. You read one story after another of women being attacked, murdered, raped, and stoned. And still the feminine principle of the world marches on.

Women have been shackled, cursed, and spat upon and still survival mounts its charge within Her.

And I wonder how this comes about. What enables a woman – who is made metaphorically blind, who is lied to to a point her ears may as well be silenced- find her way in the darkness?

In some ways, this picture represents me. As a stepmom to two children who have a mother that demonstrates narcissistic behaviors, I am metaphorically blinded and bound all the time. The lies and manipulations go on and on and on…. I think any who have experienced abuse know what I am talking about. You wonder if you may survive, let alone triumph.

I hope this picture speaks to you as it does me.

I like to believe women are born with an innate wisdom of the Ages deep inside (the Owl). And like the picture shows, although the owl is blinded and wearing earmuffs (my stepson loved that part :)) she balances on one talon, capturing and killing the snake, as she survives.

Normally, snake symbolism is very positive for me. But, each contains its opposite, and in this image the snake represents the lowest energetic form.

The owl is a feminine symbol, tightly linked to survival. In this image, even blind and deaf (i.e. you can try to remove all of Her powers) and still she survives.

Not only does She survive, She triumphs.

She beheads the snake and kills the lowest nature within Her. And she stands triumphantly upon the stone lingam. (Phallic symbol of power, particularly Shiva). (Interestingly a mudra exists in which the fingers wrap around the thumb. The thumb represents the lingam, while I like to think the snake in my picture represents the fingers wrapping around it.)

In this picture, the Owl (feminine) does not bow to any other powers. Instead, with claw and talon intact, She stands above it all.

This is how She has survived. She understands Her Power Inside.


If there is any one out there currently blinded, bound, and off balance, please know you have the strength inside to survive. It is the wisdom of the Ages that is a part of you.

Protecting Yourself by Liking Yourself

Stepping Into

Stepping Into

I often wonder what pushes us forward in life. What transforms us? What stimulates our movement from an abusive relationship or toxic behaviors (by others or those we lay upon ourselves)?

And I think it begins with one thought inside of us – we begin to like ourselves. We begin to like ourselves enough to say “No” to things that hurt, belittle, injure, or limit us.

This initial liking may be but a small sliver, but it is enough for the magic to begin. It begins to serve as a reference for what will and what will not be allowed in our lives.

And in this liking of ourselves, we establish a sense of value within ourselves. And like anything of value, we begin to understand that we are worth protecting. So we leave harmful situations or if we can not leave, we begin to take measure both big and small to protect our value.

I do this in many ways throughout my life. The jewelry I wear and the colors I wear each day have symbolic meaning to me. No one else needs to know that if I am wearing yellow that I am working on the third chakra and my sense of self.

I also set up animal totems all throughout my home. Until recently, I had been on a reptilian trend (try finding that in a home decorating magazine 🙂 ). If you ever need to call up protective energy in your life, reptiles will show you the way. I also have statues of Kali in a windows facing outwards to protect against negative thoughts and energy.

Energetically, the possibilities are endless in how we may bolster our spirits and protect the energy we encounter. Jewelry, colors, totems, figurines may all speak to us in their unique qay.

Finally this thinking lead to the creation of the little figure up top. It’s supposed to be a hedgehog. I know nothing about hedgehogs, other than they began showing up in my dreams.

I looked up hedgehog symbolism and was confronted with a picture of one and a quote by Martha Graham – “You are unique, and if that is not fulfilled, then something has been lost.”

I was struck by this quote. We are unique and we have something to fulfill- which extends way beyond any limitations and control brought on by others or limitations we put upon ourselves by harmful behaviors and thoughts.

As I read further, hedgehogs are associated with the spanning rays of the sun. (it made me think of my image. I always create first and then learn what the image may symbolize). But the hedgehog is a nocturnal creature.

I liked this image. We often represent much more strength and power then we ever give ourselves credit for. If the tiny little hedgehog can live in the night and still represent the sun in its unique way, then certainly you and I can find it within ourselves to find our own unique representation of life.

“Like yourself” – that is the message I get from all of this. I see a little hedgehog in the image, colorfully displayed, heading with some uncertainty to the overwhelming rays of light. And I would like to say, “You are going to be o.k.”

Letting Go of the Cruel People in Your Life.

Earth Love

Earth Love

Orbits

Your willingness
to enact such cruelty
upon another

only serves as reminder
that we live in the gravitational pull
of different worlds

and soon, our orbits
will cease to
cross paths

as I am flung, freely,
towards the Light
of my Being.


Not everyone in our lives always has the best intentions or the highest motivations. When someone in our lives is intentionally hurtful, we can question how/why we let this person in and what we can do about this.

Perhaps, as the poem describes, we come from different worlds. Perhaps we orbit different stars, and I like to believe as we grow and change our orbits will cross the path of these types less and less, as we free fall into the Light of our greatest selves.

Who is the Gatekeeper of Your Life? The Answer Better Be “You”

Gatekeeper

Gatekeeper


This past weekend, we had a family dynamic that had me sliding into insane thinking.

I had asked my husband and stepkids to do something for me. I actually classified this as a “NEED” of mine. It was that important. And they failed to get this thing done.

And this is where it got frightening in a “what am I thinking?” aspect. When they did not complete this thing, here is where my mind went on its glorious arc of insane thinking:

I had the thought “Am I not lovable? Is there something wrong with me that someone does not want to do something important for me? Is there some type of defect I carry that someone who cares about me does not care enough to put my need first?” (Actually, the question was not “Is there a defect…” My mind assumed there was. The real question was: “What defect is there within me that make me unlovable?” )

Those of you who struggle with a sense of self will have no problem understanding what I am writing about. The old childhood fears has moved front and center to whack me upside the head with their whisper of “Kim, you simply are not lovable…enough….If you were, then these things would not happen to you.”

I could spend this blog psycho-analyzing this, but I prefer my art do it for me. And the image above is what came to me.

It represents in some weird way to me, a creation myth. (Yes, entire cultures are built around creation myths, and I think it is fine to sit in my office and come up with my own 🙂 ).

Anyway, the world is built and supported by the bull’s horns. But the horns, to me, also look like a ship underneath a red moon (1st chakra, survival). IN the boat are 8 blue circles (blue= spiritual, 8 is a sacred number- 7 chakras plus the Divine. ) Ships with passengers are very common in creation myths and I liked the symbolism of building a complete life to travel across the horizons.

The sides of the bull’s heads are “fish” symbols. I was thinking of the symbol for Pisces, also associated with yin-yang.

The snake in the middle is kundalini energy, the energy of life.

Here is what I took from the image:
The bull is my gatekeeper- strong, solid, protective. It is balanced by the energy of Pisces. However, this balancing does not make it weak, it makes it stronger because it is balanced. The bull has no problem protecting and carrying my world (self) on its horns.

What the bull does, though, is decide what life energy (snake) gets to rise up to touch my life. In this picture, the snake is moving upward to touch the 8 circles of my life, but this is not always the case.

I GET TO DECIDE WHAT ENERGY to let into my life. The fact my husband and stepkids let me down is their energy not mine. And the bull knows this.

Most of us who have been deeply wounded know how sincerely difficult it is to be gatekeepers in our own lives. We let our defenses go years ago, and have been building them ever since.
I hope this image inspires you to protect that which is most dear to you- your sense of self.

The quote below appeared on a blog recently: I LOVE IT! Most of our neurotic behavior is due to avoidance of legitimate pain. – John Bradshaw

To Love and Protect

Protection

Protection

To Love or Protect one’s self- how many have made this choice?

I was reading a book the other day ( I can’t remember which) and the author spoke about our basic needs. He stated that for children, particularly, protection is a need as great as love.

Of course, if you truly love someone, it goes without saying that you would also want to protect him or her.

But, here is the problem, I think many people have been, or are in, situations in which they are being told they are “loved” but they are not protected.

Child or adult, there are those who suffer an onslaught of abuse in physical, emotional, and psychological terms, all the while being fed the mantra, “I do this because I love you.”

And there they stand giving up all sense of protection in order to earn some “love”.

In fact, many have been trained to go against every God-given protective instinct- to stand and be hit, to stand and be verbally attacked, to stand and submit–all to earn some “love”.

And how many of us as adults have learned this training so well that we have given up a sense of protection in the so-called name of “love”?

Some will give up protecting their assets (home, money, and more) and give to others so freely as to cause their own self harm. Others never learned to protect their own sense of value, and thus allow anyone to step over, through, in and around them. Some have never thought of a verbally-protecting phrase or two to be called upon in a moment of threat.

Too many are the walking wounded because of one simple fact- they were taught “to love”, but never taught to protect.

What may be true for children may also stand the test of being an adult.

To love is to protect. If those who claim they “love” you do not also protect you, it really is not love at all.

What have you given up to Survive?

Reach for It

Reach for It

Sometimes my inner artist goes its own way.
It insisted on the image above and the following interpretation: It is a claw of a crab reaching to grasp the moon. Huh?

I researched crab symbolism and learned the crab is a strong lunar symbol. The moon provides matronly protection to the crab. And, of course, the crab is the symbol of the Cancer zodiac sign.

And in its own strange way, my inner artist had spoken what was on my mind.

I had recently been thinking about what we may give up in order to survive. This “giving up” parts of ourselves to survive often occurs in childhood, particularly in situations of abuse. Adults, though, are not immune to this act.

And I wonder what you have given up in order to survive.

Have you given up your joy in life, because you believe you need to be on guard and living in fear in order to survive? Have you given up taking care of yourself, so you can do for others, in the hopes of feeling loved and thus, continuing your survival? Have you given up bits and pieces of yourself along the way so others would tolerate you better and thus, you would not feel so isolated, and would again- be assured in some way of your survival?

We give up a lot of things, in the mistaken believe that we must do so in order to ensure our survival.

Whatever you have given up, the time is now for your retrieval of it. Go back and find the pieces of yourself- your TRUE survival depends upon it.

—-
As for myself, I love the message in the image. The exoskeleton of the crab always speaks of needed protection- but also renewal as it is replace. To be reaching up from the ocean depths of life, and grabbing hold of something that I would need (maternal protection) is a beautiful, survival image.