Turning from Egoic Envy

Egoic Envy

Egoic Envy

In the course of awakening, the outer life
may appear unchanged-
but the Soul knows, as it turns from egoic envy
towards Light, every view changes.

I never know where my art will lead. In this image, a naked man sits, with a large phallic symbol to the left. He has turned this head, though to the other direction, seeking the Sun.

In some ways, the symbolism here is to have the phallus represent the ego. (Not implying, though, that men only are driven by the ego- although I do feel in our culture the phallus may be a very apt representation of ego.).

As I looked at this image, I was reminded of Susan Bordo’s book, The Male Body. I remember reading her section on the penis and how so many of the terms related to erection and sexual performance are unrelenting (my word). Phrases such as “rock hard”, etc- speaking to the utter sense of invincibility projected upon this very human organ.

We see this projection carried further into different venues. Men are often portrayed by Hollywood in one of two ways- as predators or heroes, who can not be destroyed.

I wonder how many of us, male or female, have falling for the egoic trap of always being “rock hard” and impervious to any wounding. Always thinking- bigger, better, harder is always necessarily better.

The image, though, shows the turning away from this projected, altered state of unreality into something more real and healthy.


Be Brave: What the Erect Penis showed Me about Creative Expression

***This post is written with the awareness of the role of the penis in the act of creation. I am aware that the “power” contained within the penis has also been used to dominate, attack, and abuse. I do not want this post to serve as a trigger or source of harm for anyone. I am writing this so you may decide to read further or not.***

I can not Be Hidden

I can not Be Hidden

If you are to embrace life
If you are to live
If you are to leave a mark
If you are to hold
If you are to be held

You must be brave enough to stand out.

You can not hide. You can not deny. You can not hope to be invisible.
And consider yourself living.

What if all the world needed, all that your God expected,

was for your to live your life as an expression of all that is

inside you?

What if that was all that was needed?

How would you live?

So, obviously, we are back to penis pictures.

To support and further understand my current interest in phallic symbols, I am reading Susan Bordo’s The Male Body.

At least the point I have read, she is looking at the male body from a cultural perspective.

I tend to look at it more symbolically- as in, what is contained in this form? What is it trying to tell me and show the world?

And in the male form, especially when sexually aroused, I see a sentinel of power and a willingness (pun intended) to stand up and proclaim a manifestation of one’s inner world into an outer expression.

There is no denying the space and attention an erect penis almost seems to demand.

In its state of arousal, it is an overt symbol (to a point) of the inner workings of the man.

And I guess where this is leading me, in the symbolic sense, is the bravery we all need to allow the overt expression of our inner worlds.

I like the penis because it stands there, a lone sentry proclaiming “This is me. I am aroused and I am aware and I will not hide. I will not bury within me that which I find arousing so no one knows I am here.

I will stand- firm and erect. I will proclaim my presence without apology and I will demand my share of attention, for I am the inner world in outward manifestation.

I am the route for the creative form to find its expression.”

I know I am heading off into a weird area here. “Tangent” seems to be too weak of a word to cover this deviation. But one thing I have always admired about myself as an artist is that I do not hide and I do not try to limit.

If I need to see the message of expressing one’s inner world in outward manifestation and an erect penis is the only way to “get it”, then so be it.

You have to admit the penis is a powerful symbol of expression without protection. And, I think the play of this energy is something many creative types struggle with.

How can I put myself out there…how can I truly live and express myself without additional protection?

May we all be brave enough to continue to put ourselves out there. To proclaim our inner workings in outward manifestations, contributing to the creative expression in the world.

Stones of the Gods- Our Vulnerability in Creativity

Stones of the Gods

Stones of the Gods

What may the Gods believe of Man
Carrier of the Stones
To perpetuate the Ages
Why the position so vulnerable?

Right now, at this moment, I am at a writing workshop. Note the multi-tasking, not only am I am at a writing workshop, I am doing some actual writing. 🙂

I have been struck by the hope and faith by those I have encountered at this small conference. I think it is a definite belief in one’s self and one’s work to sign up, attend, and pay for such a conference.

As I have listened to the stories of these writers, I have also been struck by the sense of vulnerability that arises with creative works. SO many decision to make- what do I reveal? Do I use a pen name? What if others have problems with what I write?

The sense of vulnerability lead me to my most recent art piece, and the play between the idea of vulnerability and sense of power.

To me, the testes are a perfect example of this interchange of energy. I label the picture “Stones of the Gods” because it shows the strength and power contained in the testes- houses of procreation.

The testes are Stone-like, not only in shape, but in their containment of the continuity and power of the eternal lineage of life. In this manner, they represent the indestructible.

Yet, they hang as orbs in position most vulnerable, swinging free from the protective abdominal-pelvic cavity.

By what design? What are we to take from this?

As a biologist, I, of course, understand that body temp is lethal to sperm development, but why does the energy play out this way?

How can billions of bits of genetic material be so exposed? (Perhaps it is because I am a woman, that male genitalia has always appeared vulnerable to me, so “out there”.)

And I thought of this with the writers in this workshop (yes, my mind is that weird. Everyone else is thinking publishing contracts and I am thinking art, testes, vulnerability and creativity.)

Creativity is our eternal lineage. Our creative works will survive us (in both the literal procreative sense and in other more esoteric ways).

And like the sperm in the testes, our creative acts contribute to the on-going evolution.

But in these acts of creation, as they will outlast us and take upon their own lives, there is vulnerability, there is exposure.

Where we most carry the power of life, we are the most vulnerable and vice versa. Our sense of vulnerability allows us to also play with a sense of power.

I see this represented in the testes of men and the hearts and passions of these writers here.

To be creative is to be both powerful and vulnerable at once.

I know my picture is a little strange. The spermatic cord (or whatever it is) makes it look like the penises are wearing earmuffs.

I am not sure why I drew it like this. Each side of the spermatic cord is actually independent. But, I like the strength and color of this image.

And the vulnerability of the testes and also their strength brought to mind discussions had with my husband and stepson. Similar to many women, I still don’t “get” the “humor” of a man being hit in the testes. We see this played out in TV shows and movies and I got to tell you, it’s just lost on me, as my husband and stepson sit there giggling in glee.

As my husband and stepson have reassured me and tried to “explain” this humor to me, insisting it is SO funny because it hurts so much.

As a woman, I am just not sure I may ever “get” it.

What Male Sexuality is teaching me about My Creativity

Creation Sentries

Creation Sentries

Again, I am not completely certain where I am going with what are now being referred to by my husband as the “penis pictures”.

Despite believing at first that he was somehow serving as a model for these images, my husband did admit the male figures in the current images are “out of his league”.

What I was playing with here is the male creative force, the active principle, shoring up, if you will, the act of creation.

In this image, it is the male, and not the female, that is engaged with the creative force (represented by the upwards triangle).

The penises of the men penetrate the horn shapes. Horns commonly represent physical strength and virility. They also indicate attunement with the spiritual realm.

In this image, as the horns come together at the top, they will complete the cycle of creation.

It is the generative power of the male which is sustaining the creative act in this image.

There is something overtly powerful in an erect penis, speaking of potential and obviously, procreation.

In the image, these men are sentries providing from themselves the power to sustain the creative cycle.

I know I have not always consciously acknowledged the creative potential contained within the male.

But, I am beginning to believe, for me, it has something to do with the strength and confidence required in one’s self to stand there with penis, erect and overt, an obvious signal to one’s self and the world of one’s creative potential.

Perhaps that is where I am on my journey at this time. Seeking within myself that confidence to stand firmly with my “creative act” exposed and “erect” for all to see. And perhaps, male sexuality has been the gift and example from which I can learn this.