Toxins exist all around us. Sometimes we willing ingest and engage with toxins, other times they are thrust upon us.
Although there are many things that occur within the context of bulimia, I believe that the need to purge is related, to a point, to the awareness that one has ingested a great deal of toxins (large amounts of unhealthy foods) and is, thus, then motivated to remove these toxic substances from the body in seeking a state of re-balance and renewal.
This, of course, is a very limited account of this disease. Lately, though, I have been thinking of this idea in relation to thoughts that I create.
I am honest when I state that I have a number of toxic thoughts each day. Ideas such as “I hate myself” will run through my mind; I will build cases against others in my mind; I will assess the motivations of others in a negative light and so on.
And I have realized how many toxins I am creating in my body by these thoughts. The body does not forget and the body is quite literal in some of its workings. If you think negative thoughts, the body responds accordingly. Stress and tension is created as the body tries to defend itself.
I have also noticed when I have harmed myself by creating this toxic environment within, then like someone suffering from bulimia, I will try to rid myself of these toxins. I will overcompensate with feelings of guilt, I will judge myself harshly and restrict myself, stating “Never again will I think such things”, I will try to make it up to the other person. I will go running or do yoga in an attempt for a sense of re-balance and renewal.
Similar to the over-consumption, purge cycle of someone with bulimia, I suffer the double- whammy: thinking harmful thoughts and then trying to compensate for these thoughts.
The cycle must be broken. My judgments keep me trapped in the cycle, when the best course is simply to observe the thoughts and let me them go, acknowledging they have no true power over me.
If you are like me and find yourself sometimes caught in negative thought cycles, I offer the following:
I let this thought go, releasing its hold upon me and anyone it may incur. This thought has no power over me or anyone else as it bears no reflection of my true self.