And the Light Came Upon the Land

Angel

Angel

Light always triumphs over darkness.
If darkness exists, it is because Light has not yet shown Herself to it.

When I am confronted with those who prefer to live with dark intentions I utter the following:

Blessings, blessing to me
that I may be free
of the darkness
you so clearly claim to need.

Darkness is nothing in the face of Light, and I hope you see that message in this picture.

I drew this Angel figure with a vesica-pisces shaped skirt and a vesica pisces on her dress. The vesica pisces represents union and the ultimate power. She carries a jar of light with her that she sprinkles over darkened lands showering the world with Power.

I am Woman…And This is How I Survive

Survival

Survival

I am Woman of a Queenly-Size

You may blind Me
You may bind Me

And still, still, I will Survive

The Owl-Like Wisdom of Woman
does not reside in my Eyes.

The Owl-Like Wisdom of Woman
does not reside in my Ears.

The Owl-Like Wisdom is Inside Me.
I am woman born to Survive.

Blind and deaf you would mute Me
and I with Blind man eyes

and Silent Ears will Fly
with Talons extended to capture and kill.

Survival, as Woman-born, has always
been my innate skill.

Sometimes I don’t know how we do it, how we survive it all as women. You read one story after another of women being attacked, murdered, raped, and stoned. And still the feminine principle of the world marches on.

Women have been shackled, cursed, and spat upon and still survival mounts its charge within Her.

And I wonder how this comes about. What enables a woman – who is made metaphorically blind, who is lied to to a point her ears may as well be silenced- find her way in the darkness?

In some ways, this picture represents me. As a stepmom to two children who have a mother that demonstrates narcissistic behaviors, I am metaphorically blinded and bound all the time. The lies and manipulations go on and on and on…. I think any who have experienced abuse know what I am talking about. You wonder if you may survive, let alone triumph.

I hope this picture speaks to you as it does me.

I like to believe women are born with an innate wisdom of the Ages deep inside (the Owl). And like the picture shows, although the owl is blinded and wearing earmuffs (my stepson loved that part :)) she balances on one talon, capturing and killing the snake, as she survives.

Normally, snake symbolism is very positive for me. But, each contains its opposite, and in this image the snake represents the lowest energetic form.

The owl is a feminine symbol, tightly linked to survival. In this image, even blind and deaf (i.e. you can try to remove all of Her powers) and still she survives.

Not only does She survive, She triumphs.

She beheads the snake and kills the lowest nature within Her. And she stands triumphantly upon the stone lingam. (Phallic symbol of power, particularly Shiva). (Interestingly a mudra exists in which the fingers wrap around the thumb. The thumb represents the lingam, while I like to think the snake in my picture represents the fingers wrapping around it.)

In this picture, the Owl (feminine) does not bow to any other powers. Instead, with claw and talon intact, She stands above it all.

This is how She has survived. She understands Her Power Inside.


If there is any one out there currently blinded, bound, and off balance, please know you have the strength inside to survive. It is the wisdom of the Ages that is a part of you.

Where you are Wounded, You will find the energy to Heal

Each, It's Opposite

Each, It’s Opposite

Each thing in this life contains its opposite.

Thus, where you are most injured and hurt, you contain the equal, proportional energy to heal.

You must, if possible, be able to see beyond the wound into the healing energy contained within it.

And if you need an image to help you with this, think of the yin-yang symbol. The black contains the white, the white contains the black and these will shift and emerge until their positions are reversed, reminding us that no entity exists only in the stable, surface manner that we first perceive.

Each contains its opposite.

You can heal where you are most wounded, for the energy of healing is already present with this wound.

—–

I recently experienced this in a Reiki appointment I had. I had never met this therapist. After 90 minutes, she said to me, “I was constantly drawn to your throat chakra. What are you not saying that should be said?”

I shut my throat chakra long, long ago. It tends to be a requirement for abuse survivors. ALL abuse requires the keeping of secrets, so the throat chakra closes.

She also said to me, “But your pelvic area, it is so open and on fire. I wanted to ask you several times if you were pregnant.”

I told her I was not pregnant but did kundalini yoga. She simply smiled and said, “That explains it! But I really worry about your throat area.”

Since then, I have focused on the throat chakra. And it has begun to open. In a frightening way. (Those with closed throat chakras often keep them closed out of fear. They worry they may say or do something that may hurt another or reveal a “secret”. )

Let me tell you on a particular night in which the ex-wife pushed one too many times. I opened my throat chakra and let it rip (not at her, she is not worth the time) but I let out my feelings. ANd it was one of the most beautiful/ugly things I had witnessed in some time.

Swear words came out of my mouth that I did not know I knew and the creative way they were strung together was both alarming and admirable. At the end of it, as the words hung in the air, and I could feel the air rush past my open throat, I knew I was alive and I was o.k.

I said what I felt and this is key —NO ONE DIED. I shut my throat down years ago out of fear of what may happen if I really said what I felt. No more.

Where I have been wounded, I have the power to heal.

Healing Snake

Healing Snake

I did this picture years ago. It’s called “Healing Snake”. what I love after my recent experience is the energy in the “pelvic” region and the energy in the “throat” region.

Where you are wounded, the energy to heal is also present.

Here Comes the Goddess…

Goddess

Goddess

Here comes the Goddess.

Many, too many, prayers
she has heard to end the night

So she comes a-calling
and a-carrying

Upon her beautiful head
to each a bit of Light.

——-
I have had to turn my prayers around as of late and shake them upside down. I used to pray, really I did, for the Goddess or God to swoop into my life to make things better.

As I have prayed to the Goddess to end the darkness, She answered me, “Kim, I can only do this if I first bring the Light.”

So my prayers have turned around and darkness is not mentioned. I pray that the Light enters and I picture the Goddess traveling across Heaven and Earth to bring me a piece of this gift.

And I will pray she does the same for you in your darkest times.

God’s Love for Us…I hope this touches you as it did me

Pelican Love

Pelican Love

Continuing on with my current theme of creating the art and then figuring out what it means- I made this image of a pelican.

For several days an image of a pelican sweeping up a heart from the waters had been on my mind.

I rejected it completely. I thought it was a disturbing image. Who would like to picture his or her heart taken from the depths by a pelican?

The call to create this image came repeatedly so I thought I would humor myself.

And then I looked up the symbolic meaning of the Pelican and I understood what a gift I had been given.

Some of you may be familiar with the symbolic meaning of the Pelican. I was not.

Can you imagine my sense of love and connection when I read the Pelican is an early Christian symbol for the sacrifice of Christ?

The myth surrounding the Pelican (pre-dating Christianity) is that in order to feed her young so they would survive, the Mother Pelican pierces her own flesh to feed her children from her blood. Other legends have the young Pelicans already dead, but the Mother’s blood revives them.

I am not sure what your view of God is. Some days I am not even sure of my own view. But when I receive a gift such as this- an image of a heart being pulled from the depths by a bird with a history of representing the love of Christ, I am humbled.

Not by my artistic greatness- ha! But how God’s love (however you define that) finds us and holds us and speaks to us in messages that only we may understand.

God will always finds a way to express love to us- again and again and again.

To distribute this message God will choose any and all venues- even a middle-aged woman in central Colorado with some old pastels- so that we would finally come to understand that we are love and we are loved.

May you picture you own heart, rescued from the depths, cradled by the Pelican.

If the Dragonfly can do it…Why can’t I?

Dragonfly

Dragonfly

A Dragonfly, if one were to really look at it- with critical eye-,
does not look as if it were made to fly

With a body, some would say is much too long and
With wings of a transparency that makes rice paper look strong

the Dragonfly simply nods as if takes off
Showing me that flight relies mainly on belief

and if the Dragonfly can do it, then why can’t I?


I am a huge fan of animal totems. Ask my family members, our house is filled with them. I have been known to almost drive off the road as I try to catch a glimpse of birds or other creatures, I am sure are bringing me some message or meaning.

Dragonflies have been making an appearance in my life right now in big ways. Although there was the awkward moment in the grocery store, when my teenage stepdaughter pulled a balloon from the floral area and proclaimed “Oh, a butterfly. I really want a balloon.” My response was, “Uh, I think that is a dragonfly” (as I contemplated my concerns of the science curriculum in the local schools 🙂 ).

I finally decided to put pastels to paper and perhaps draw one of these creatures. I still can’t project ahead with my art right now. I used to have shapes in mind before drawing. Now, it is blank page and blank mind and then I just let it flow.

To me, the image indicates the impossible flights so many of us take in our lives. The overcoming of trials, tribulations, horrors (big and small), injustices, fears, anguishes, terrors, traumas, abuses, and more.

And I wonder when I hear some stories, how people have picked themselves up. And I think of the image of the dragonfly in this picture- leading with heart, flying with its impossible form through the darkness and flying towards the light.

And I like to think the dragonfly symbolizes so many of us.
—-
I did not know this, but there is a lot of research about dragonfly flight dynamics. I am a physiologist and not a physicist, so most of the information was well beyond me, but if you are interested you should check it out.

Why Art Heals and Moves us from “Survive” to “Thrive”

Healing Bridge

Healing Bridge

I recently wrote about how the brain responds to trauma and abuse. Survival instincts emerge and one of the repercussions is the communication between the brain hemispheres lessens.

We move from holistic integration to fragment-ous snapshots of people and events, as the brain’s focus restricts and constricts, eliminating in order to focus on the task at hand- surviving.

This is why abuse and trauma survivors can recount events with an almost rote tone, as they make a list of violations they have suffered. In such instances, the left-brain, the one that reads like an instruction manual, dominates. A to B to C, and the sequence continues.

What is severed is the connection with the right brain. The one that gives the story context, emotion, and nuance. This is why in awakening from abuse and trauma, people may be super-sensitive to smells, touch, position of items and so on.

These are often referred to as “triggers”. These are the cues and clues the right-brain is tracking to give context to its version of the story of what happened.

It is not healthy to have the brain split in this manner. One-half handling some details disconnecting from the other half handling other details. So, how do we fix this?

Art…art…and more art… I do not mean necessarily drawing or painting. I mean “art” in its truest sense- anything beyond the constrained linear. Storytelling is an art, as is journaling, as is painting, as is drawing, as is collaging, as is composing, as is poetry writing and on and on and on.

Why is art so important?

Art creates the bridge between the right and left brain. You can not create art without both halves communicating. If you only use your left brain, your writing will read like a set of directions. If you use only the right brain, your work is filled with nuance and context and moves absolutely no where.

And this is why art heals so beautifully.

Art forces us to tell both sides of our stories – most importantly to ourselves.

Please don’t say to yourself, “Well I am really not artistic.” Seriously, I draw pictures where the primary shape is a heart. It seems to be the limit of my abilities, but that does not stop me from expressing.

There are many ways for you to use art to heal: write, write, and write some more. You are storytelling to yourself and others as you do.

If drawing really freaks you out, get out old magazines or find images on-line, print them out and make a collage. Cut out words and phrases that mean something to you. Let your right and left brains talk and see what is woven between them.

Or try an art therapy book- Drawing from the Heart by Barbara Ganin is an excellent choice.

You were meant to thrive in this world and you can only do that when you are intact- let art be your bridge to wholeness.

Who is the Gatekeeper of Your Life? The Answer Better Be “You”

Gatekeeper

Gatekeeper


This past weekend, we had a family dynamic that had me sliding into insane thinking.

I had asked my husband and stepkids to do something for me. I actually classified this as a “NEED” of mine. It was that important. And they failed to get this thing done.

And this is where it got frightening in a “what am I thinking?” aspect. When they did not complete this thing, here is where my mind went on its glorious arc of insane thinking:

I had the thought “Am I not lovable? Is there something wrong with me that someone does not want to do something important for me? Is there some type of defect I carry that someone who cares about me does not care enough to put my need first?” (Actually, the question was not “Is there a defect…” My mind assumed there was. The real question was: “What defect is there within me that make me unlovable?” )

Those of you who struggle with a sense of self will have no problem understanding what I am writing about. The old childhood fears has moved front and center to whack me upside the head with their whisper of “Kim, you simply are not lovable…enough….If you were, then these things would not happen to you.”

I could spend this blog psycho-analyzing this, but I prefer my art do it for me. And the image above is what came to me.

It represents in some weird way to me, a creation myth. (Yes, entire cultures are built around creation myths, and I think it is fine to sit in my office and come up with my own 🙂 ).

Anyway, the world is built and supported by the bull’s horns. But the horns, to me, also look like a ship underneath a red moon (1st chakra, survival). IN the boat are 8 blue circles (blue= spiritual, 8 is a sacred number- 7 chakras plus the Divine. ) Ships with passengers are very common in creation myths and I liked the symbolism of building a complete life to travel across the horizons.

The sides of the bull’s heads are “fish” symbols. I was thinking of the symbol for Pisces, also associated with yin-yang.

The snake in the middle is kundalini energy, the energy of life.

Here is what I took from the image:
The bull is my gatekeeper- strong, solid, protective. It is balanced by the energy of Pisces. However, this balancing does not make it weak, it makes it stronger because it is balanced. The bull has no problem protecting and carrying my world (self) on its horns.

What the bull does, though, is decide what life energy (snake) gets to rise up to touch my life. In this picture, the snake is moving upward to touch the 8 circles of my life, but this is not always the case.

I GET TO DECIDE WHAT ENERGY to let into my life. The fact my husband and stepkids let me down is their energy not mine. And the bull knows this.

Most of us who have been deeply wounded know how sincerely difficult it is to be gatekeepers in our own lives. We let our defenses go years ago, and have been building them ever since.
I hope this image inspires you to protect that which is most dear to you- your sense of self.

The quote below appeared on a blog recently: I LOVE IT! Most of our neurotic behavior is due to avoidance of legitimate pain. – John Bradshaw

Returning to Yourself

Opening Up

Opening Up

When you were born, you were held
in God’s heart and vision

Nothing has changed since the time
you laid in arms at birth

to the time your steps
have crossed upon this Earth.

The sun sets in the night sky
and darkness descends

And we of little faith still believe
in the dawn of tomorrow

God has similar faith in you
If your light feels dim on some days

And you long to return to the shell
from which you were born

There you will find God waiting
to hold you in your imminent return and arrival.


——

I see a lot of people who are hard on themselves. They think they always have to be “on” and taking care of everything with a positive attitude and uplifted spirit.

Does this have a place in our lives? Of course.

But life cycles and we cycle with it. As the sun sets every day and we have faith it will return, trust yourself enough to know that if you need some quiet, secluded days, that you, like the sun, will eventually return across the sky of those you love and all will again be o.k.

Be gentle with yourself – always. The rest will take care of itself.