True Love

Sacred Union

Sacred Union

True Love…

To Merge, But Not Submerge,
the Self


Perhaps because Valentine’s Day is coming up, I thought of this image.
To me, it speaks about what it is to have a successful union (within and without).

A sacred union occurs when we merge with something, but not submerge our true selves and end up being engulfed.

No union can occur when we lose ourselves.

(P.S. I also really love the colors of this one 🙂 Happy Friday!)

The Power of “Not Good Enough” Girl

Angel Carrying Sun

Angel Carrying Sun

I have an alter ego. I used to say I was secretly a “bad-ass rocker chick”, until I mentioned it to my family. After they stopped laughing, they said the only other career they thought I could have is as a librarian. I am not sure they were too hopeful even with that.

I met my other alter ego recently. We have been having a very busy summer. I will do three trips in 8 weeks, I am teaching 3 classes, and am beginning a new consulting opportunity. In the midst, we are building a new home and attempting to sell our current one.

Our realtor called the other day and said some agents were saying our home was too cluttered. You see, I had been packing and had nowhere to put the boxes.

I was mortified. I chastised myself- “Our house is not selling because you made it too cluttered, even after they said to remove the clutter. What were you thinking? You should have had the house cleaner.”

As I walked under the shade tree to my car at work that day, I met her, my alter ego, “Not Good Enough” (NGE) girl.

“NGE” girl has been with me my entire life. In deep conversations with friends, I would literally say, ” I wish I were good enough.” Good enough at what? My answer would have been “Life in general.”

“NGE” Girl is unstoppable. She was created, in her mind, to save the world. She was first going to save my mother (who was suicidal for part of my childhood). Step two, even better, was that she was going to make my mother happy.

She would do everything in her powers, and still it would NOT be enough. Thus “NGE” Girl was born.

I had not “seen” her for some time until that day. It amazed me (and perhaps you can relate) how rabid, intense, and cut-throat that internal voice of my “failure” was. My house was “not good enough” and by extension neither was I.

I don’t think I am the only woman who lives with such a voice. I think there are many, many “NGE” Girls out there.

“NGE” Girls are always striving, always perfecting, in an attempt to “be enough”.

I like to change things around and find my power, if you will. In any event in which I am lost, I picture an infinity loop with me in the center. I send my energy out, and the goal is for it to turn that corner and return to me, completing the cycle.

I put the energy of “NGE” Girl out there- how could I get that energy back?

I believe each contains its opposite- so what power could I gain from “NGE” Girl?

“NGE” Girl is first and foremost- unstoppable. It may not always be the healthiest approach, but She truly believes She can and will do it all.

“NGE” Girl is driven. She has “failed” so many times, failure does not even register with her, She keeps going.

“NGE” Girl is smart, wicked- smart. She has to be. If She is going to save herself and the world, She will watch, She will learn and She will begin to anticipate.

“NGE” Girl is compassionate. Having been belittled and “not enough” her entire life, She knows an underdog when She sees one and has no problem being a champion of its cause.

“NGE” Girl is fearless. She has already lost a lot and still She is willing to risk more.

“NGE” Girl is aware. She is tried her entire life to “make it right”. It has been her passion to live to her highest potential. It may not be recognized by others but She know “good enough” is there and she refuses to settle.

As I wrote, I think there are many “NGE” Girls out there. We may have been overtly told or subjectively referenced that we are “not enough”.

But that “not enough” has carried a potential of Power within It. May every “NGE” Girl not only learn to use that Power, but come to acknowledge it!

Don’t Live the False Projection

Reflection

Reflection


If all the world is but a mirror,
what value do I place upon the reflection?

I am sure we have all heard the saying that our world mirrors us in some ways.

I think this is true, but we are each responsible for having the initiative and awareness for engaging with those reflections that are most aligned with the Higher Truth.

I write this, because recently I found myself (again) caught up with the distorted projections and perceptions of another.

Their projections and perceptions of me are not true, not in the least. YET, I will spend an INORDINATE amount of time trying to “correct” the perceptions.

Really?

The perceptions are false.
They say more about the other person than they do about me.
But, there I am, working merrily along, trying to “show” them they are wrong.

In engaging in this manner, I am giving validity to the projection.

None of us need to live out the false projections of others, who are simply demonstrating their own wounded-ness and sense of lack.

When we attempt to engage with these projections, it never goes well, because the projections are not real and thus have no substance.

In so many ways, others can only tell us about themselves – by the words they choose.

If the world is a mirror, choose wisely what part of that mirror you look into. May it be the shiny, pure portion in which you see your best self.

Overcoming Shame

Childhood

Childhood

This one had a request attached to it. I asked my inner child- “What would you like to show me?”

And this is what came to be.

A person caught in the storm of shame. The borders between the person and the shame storm are messy- as shame often does this to us. We can not determine what is “ours” and what is “not ours”. We become engulfed in the maelstrom of others.

But if you look at the figure closely- you see she has one eye open. She sees and she knows- something that every person that is being shamed is told not to do. “Don’t see. And more importantly, don’t know, what is being done to you.”

I am never sure if my art ever has a nice culminating message. I wish I would create things with really good, succinct answers.

The art, though, is what it is- capturer of the healing process- letting no step go unacknowledged.

To Fear or Not to Fear: Two Images to Help

Some of us have lived in tremendous fear in our lives. Some of us still do.

I want to speak a little bit about what fear does to us and some images that may help you as they have helped me.

One things fear does is narrow our focus- completely- to ensure our survival.

Fear activates the sympathetic nervous systems (SNS). Now, the SNS is wonderful, awesome and a key component of survival. The SNS handles your “fight or flight” system. And it is designed to do one thing and one thing only to the best of its ability- keep you alive. Such a clear, bottom-line goal, and it will not deviate from it.

The SNS integrates with almost every system of the body. When it is activated, it is all systems go: Pupils dilate, HR increases, bronchioles dilates, blood sugar increases, blood flow to the digestive organs and kidneys lessen and so on.

There is no in-between state here. You don’t get to choose to dilate the pupils but not elevate the HR or blood sugar. Such options are removed.

Think about it- have you ever been frightened by something silly- a book falling off a table or something? What happens? Before you know it- you’re breathing heavy, your eyes are wide, you are pale for a moment and so on. Your SNS is doing its job.

But this single-pointed focus costs you. It does not deal with gray areas, states of in-between, or nuance. When it is “On” it is “On” full-force. So committed to its goal, it removes many options from the table.

The SNS and single-pointed focus is fine in survival situations, but what of “normal” life. Life is not meant to be lived in this state of activation, because what happens when you activate the SNS is that you lose many of your options. You don’t get to ebb and flow and adapt to life on varying levels. It is either all “on” or not.

And this is what I feel fear does to us symbolically. When we are in a fear-ful state, we do not see we are surrounded by options. Fear constricts us and our sense of choices. Options are removed to reduce everything to single-pointedness- survival. This is how I draw it.

The Fear State

The Fear State

You are the vesica pisces in the center (divine integration), but half the light/color options are removed. In fear, you only operate with a portion of your available options. The rest seems as if they are mentally removed into the darkness.

But, truly in life, we are surrounded by 360 degrees of light and options. I drew it this way:

Options

Options

It has a red spiral in the middle indicating generation and the 1st chakra (survival), spinning a person around so you can see all 360 degrees of potential that surround you in any moment.

I don’t know if these images help or not, but I have thought of them so many times during the past days, as I have whispered to myself “Kim, you always have options, all of them are available to you all of the time.” )

To Love and Protect

Protection

Protection

To Love or Protect one’s self- how many have made this choice?

I was reading a book the other day ( I can’t remember which) and the author spoke about our basic needs. He stated that for children, particularly, protection is a need as great as love.

Of course, if you truly love someone, it goes without saying that you would also want to protect him or her.

But, here is the problem, I think many people have been, or are in, situations in which they are being told they are “loved” but they are not protected.

Child or adult, there are those who suffer an onslaught of abuse in physical, emotional, and psychological terms, all the while being fed the mantra, “I do this because I love you.”

And there they stand giving up all sense of protection in order to earn some “love”.

In fact, many have been trained to go against every God-given protective instinct- to stand and be hit, to stand and be verbally attacked, to stand and submit–all to earn some “love”.

And how many of us as adults have learned this training so well that we have given up a sense of protection in the so-called name of “love”?

Some will give up protecting their assets (home, money, and more) and give to others so freely as to cause their own self harm. Others never learned to protect their own sense of value, and thus allow anyone to step over, through, in and around them. Some have never thought of a verbally-protecting phrase or two to be called upon in a moment of threat.

Too many are the walking wounded because of one simple fact- they were taught “to love”, but never taught to protect.

What may be true for children may also stand the test of being an adult.

To love is to protect. If those who claim they “love” you do not also protect you, it really is not love at all.

What the Healing of the Body teaches us about Healthy Relationships

Healing Vasculature

Healing Vasculature

The blood supply driven by your Heart can teach all you need to know about healing relationships.

Cells, some, are left far from the blood supply. “Avascular” we would whisper about them,
as the hope of repair falls by the wayside.

For the cell, and the Spirit, need the Heart and sustenance if repair is to exist.
Without this delivery, little can be said.

The body knows that to have something die is to quit feeding it the blood supply.
And this cancer circumvents, creating its own signals for angiogenesis and its continued chaotic growth.

And this too the Spirit and Heart must note-if a relationship is to die, quit feeding it.

——
I think we can learn so much about life from our own bodies. As I was teaching cellular repair, I thought about how this process relates to healthy relationships.

Some tissues in the body are considered to be “avascular” (without a direct blood supply). This lack of direct access to nutrients, other than through diffusion, limits the ability of these tissues to repair. Cartilage is a great example of this. You would rather have a clean, broken bone than torn cartilage. Bone will repair, cartilage not so much.

I thought about what this means for relationships. Some relationships are avascular. No matter how much you would like a healed, healthy relationship with someone, if they have no vascular supply to give you (and some people don’t) you can not expect much growth.

On the other hand, the body has examples of rampant growth. The tendrils of a cancerous tumor exemplifies this. And a tumor knows that to survive, it needs a blood supply. It will stimulate its own vessel growth (angiogenesis) so it may grow unimpeded.

This relationship, too, we have examples of in our lives. The tumorous relationship, the one that sends out signals to steal the blood supply so it can keep feeding.

And like the body knows, to end such growth, we must cut off the blood supply to these relationships. Our hearts and Spirits were meant to sustain healthy, mutual growth, not rampant cancers.

We all get to choose what we will support and what we will deny with our metaphorical blood supply.
Somethings are avascular and we must trust to let them die, as they are beyond our repair. While others morph into unhealthy growth and it is up to us to cut the supply.

The body lives in balance. It is its natural state. Today, I pray my relationships show similar wisdom. That I choose wisely which will receive my vascular supply.

A Piece of Your Heart for Yourself

Me and You

Me and You

Our Hearts intersect
A symbol emerges
A diamond in the making

But what strikes me most
in not the brilliance of our union
Complimentary elements, as they are

But the fact that God
made my Heart so there may always be
a piece just for Me kept free

——
You were never supposed to give yourself away completely to love another. Such a silly message that you must give up yourself in order to love someone else.

When I look a this image, I see the beauty of our intersect- the shape of a diamond, how apt. Solid brilliance comes to mind and that is how I feel when a piece of my heart play with yours.

But what strikes me most, the part that hits my soul, is that when I see this image, I realize there is a piece of my heart that is only for myself.

God looks at my heart and whispers to me, “This, this piece here, is a piece only for you.” I don’t know if I have ever felt anything so dear.

I never thought I would be so valued that I could have a piece of my beautiful heart all to myself.

Your Compassionate Heart is NOT meant to be Ridiculously Compliant

Always Growing

Always Growing

The Compassionate Heart knows its limit.

Other may cry “More, More” to a Heart that is already full,
but the Heart knows itself and understands its role.

The Heart must beat in a manner to ensure its own survival.

To those who clamor for “more”, the Compassionate Heart
simply nods and smiles, understanding it helps

no one if the first beat, the one for the self,fails.

——
I always think we can learn so much from our actual hearts. The heart fills and contracts, and it must be able to do both to complete its job.

Sometimes the heart is too rigid and can not be filled (diastolic dysfunction). To me, this is exemplifies a heart with low compassion. It can not take in and process the emotions, experiences of others.

Those with compassionate hearts seldom have this problem. We easily fill with the hopes, dreams, pains and sadnesses of hearts other than our own.

On the flip side of being too rigid, though, the heart may become over-stretched and too compliant. In this case, the heart has no problem filling. However, in its over-filled, over-stretched state, it can not coordinate itself in a manner to generate an effective beat (systolic dysfunction).

This to me, speaks to the issue of a heart that is compassionate to its own determinant. It allows itself to be overfilled with the thoughts, concerns, lives of others, to the point it can no longer generate an effective beat for itself.

Compliance (the ability to fill) must be balanced with elasticity (the ability to return to one’s original state).

I think of this in my own life. To have a compassionate heart is one of life’s gift to the world. But to have a heart that can not generate a beat for its self is to have a heart that is not helping anyone.

Learn from your heart. Take measure within- you are to be compassionate, yes, but not compliant to the point where you can no longer beat for yourself.

You Carry Your Burden, and I will carry Mine

The Light of Me and You

The Light of Me and You

An adult does not require another person to carry his or her burdens.

We can help one another, but we can say “No” – with all the firmness we can muster when another is manipulating us into carrying a burden which is simply not ours.

I like this image because it shows because it shows points of intersection. Yet we are individually responsible for our own light and being in the world.

No one is responsible to creating our world for us and we certainly are not required to do this for another.
—-

I made this image to remind myself of those things for which I am responsible and by definition those things for which I am not responsible.

It is easy to become confused on this point. Some are experts in manipulation – expecting, fully, that another will carry their burden of anger, resentment, petty jealousy and so on.

“To each his own” I would reply. You have your own emotions and feelings for which you are responsible, you need not carry those that fully belong to others.