Survival has its own inherent beauty-
one that is to never be taken for granted or underestimated.
I don’t care how one’s survival “looks” to others. Surviving, in and of itself, is an act of beauty, a reclamation of the life and power of the human Spirit.
“Within the context of an attempt by another to discredit and harm my Being, I seek resolution within my self and only my self.”
You can not control crazy.
And, if crazy is rolling your way, you can not seek resolution or peace with the crazy-maker.
It is an impossible task that will end up harming you further.
You must stand firm in your own sense of self and take the power that you would normally put towards the other person and use it to keep your sense of self intact.
That is a worthy use of your time and energy.
We make a mistake when we think the opposite of love is hate. Evil is the opposite of love.
In the spirit of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8-
Evil is intolerant.
Evil is cruel.
Evil does not comfort.
Evil does not demure.
Evil is not lawful.
Evil honors no one, as
Evil seeks only for the self.
Evil is perpetually enraged.
Evil keeps eternal records of every wrong.
Evil does not delight in hope,
but rejoices with fear.
Evil always attacks.
Evil always distrusts.
Evil always despairs.
Evil always abandons.
Evil always fails.
Of course, so much of this had me thinking of the attacks on Paris and how line by line those who enacted these attacks showed exactly what evil is.
When the definitions of Self are no longer so clearly defined
and Empty space shows among the features,
you realize the beauty of incomplete-ness.
I liked this image and the possibilities it spoke about. It also had me realizing how often I had let others attempt to define me.
Recently, I have had to take on an even greater role as mother to my stepchildren. As this has unfolded, I have been met with open arms by so many caring, loving people who honor who I am and what I do with these children. Other mothers ask me to get together with them and “our kids”.
The other day I had to drop off my stepson at music camp, and another Mom was waiting there for me just to say “Hi”.
These may seem like small things, but they are not.
For years (7 to be exact) the story about me, among my stepkids and their Mom (when they were with her), was how horrible, mean, and terrible I was.
In some ways, I tried to keep myself hidden because of all the negative judgment that was rained upon me. There was a part of me, sadly, that thought they must be a little right. So I hid and allowed a small, small part of me to be defined by them.
I know this has happened to so many who have negative, abusive people in their lives. Logically, we may know what they say is not true, but there is a part of us that processes this information and wonders “Are they right?”
I move now into possibility, the empty spaces that have yet to be defined (by myself or others).
…to serve as someone’s Echo.
And this is true for you. You are much to beautiful, special, and created with the touch of uniqueness for you to ever settle for being someone’s Echo.
God did not intend for your to parrot another when He (or She) graced the World with Your Being.
Your propensity to turn outward conditions
into a mallet of internal destruction
serves no one – including you
Remember that childhood game where in a friend would grab your hand and have you strike your own forehead, saying “Stop hitting yourself”. ( I am hoping my friends and I were not the only ones to do this 🙂 ).
It seems to me, at times, we continue on with this game into adulthood. We take external conditions, of which we may or may not have any direct control or impact, and twist them around and beat ourselves over the head with our “failings”.
This picture represents this energy to me. The “arm” is twisted inward, striking the heart of the matter- the chest. (It also, on the end, looks like a kidney to me and kidneys symbolically hold the energy of fear. Perhaps we fear how little is under our control??)
To take something and use it against one’s own self is to work against natural state and energy of power. Leave the symbolic mallet handle alone and stop hitting yourself over the head.
I have an alter ego. I used to say I was secretly a “bad-ass rocker chick”, until I mentioned it to my family. After they stopped laughing, they said the only other career they thought I could have is as a librarian. I am not sure they were too hopeful even with that.
I met my other alter ego recently. We have been having a very busy summer. I will do three trips in 8 weeks, I am teaching 3 classes, and am beginning a new consulting opportunity. In the midst, we are building a new home and attempting to sell our current one.
Our realtor called the other day and said some agents were saying our home was too cluttered. You see, I had been packing and had nowhere to put the boxes.
I was mortified. I chastised myself- “Our house is not selling because you made it too cluttered, even after they said to remove the clutter. What were you thinking? You should have had the house cleaner.”
As I walked under the shade tree to my car at work that day, I met her, my alter ego, “Not Good Enough” (NGE) girl.
“NGE” girl has been with me my entire life. In deep conversations with friends, I would literally say, ” I wish I were good enough.” Good enough at what? My answer would have been “Life in general.”
“NGE” Girl is unstoppable. She was created, in her mind, to save the world. She was first going to save my mother (who was suicidal for part of my childhood). Step two, even better, was that she was going to make my mother happy.
She would do everything in her powers, and still it would NOT be enough. Thus “NGE” Girl was born.
I had not “seen” her for some time until that day. It amazed me (and perhaps you can relate) how rabid, intense, and cut-throat that internal voice of my “failure” was. My house was “not good enough” and by extension neither was I.
I don’t think I am the only woman who lives with such a voice. I think there are many, many “NGE” Girls out there.
“NGE” Girls are always striving, always perfecting, in an attempt to “be enough”.
I like to change things around and find my power, if you will. In any event in which I am lost, I picture an infinity loop with me in the center. I send my energy out, and the goal is for it to turn that corner and return to me, completing the cycle.
I put the energy of “NGE” Girl out there- how could I get that energy back?
I believe each contains its opposite- so what power could I gain from “NGE” Girl?
“NGE” Girl is first and foremost- unstoppable. It may not always be the healthiest approach, but She truly believes She can and will do it all.
“NGE” Girl is driven. She has “failed” so many times, failure does not even register with her, She keeps going.
“NGE” Girl is smart, wicked- smart. She has to be. If She is going to save herself and the world, She will watch, She will learn and She will begin to anticipate.
“NGE” Girl is compassionate. Having been belittled and “not enough” her entire life, She knows an underdog when She sees one and has no problem being a champion of its cause.
“NGE” Girl is fearless. She has already lost a lot and still She is willing to risk more.
“NGE” Girl is aware. She is tried her entire life to “make it right”. It has been her passion to live to her highest potential. It may not be recognized by others but She know “good enough” is there and she refuses to settle.
As I wrote, I think there are many “NGE” Girls out there. We may have been overtly told or subjectively referenced that we are “not enough”.
But that “not enough” has carried a potential of Power within It. May every “NGE” Girl not only learn to use that Power, but come to acknowledge it!
If all the world is but a mirror,
what value do I place upon the reflection?
I am sure we have all heard the saying that our world mirrors us in some ways.
I think this is true, but we are each responsible for having the initiative and awareness for engaging with those reflections that are most aligned with the Higher Truth.
I write this, because recently I found myself (again) caught up with the distorted projections and perceptions of another.
Their projections and perceptions of me are not true, not in the least. YET, I will spend an INORDINATE amount of time trying to “correct” the perceptions.
The perceptions are false.
They say more about the other person than they do about me.
But, there I am, working merrily along, trying to “show” them they are wrong.
In engaging in this manner, I am giving validity to the projection.
None of us need to live out the false projections of others, who are simply demonstrating their own wounded-ness and sense of lack.
When we attempt to engage with these projections, it never goes well, because the projections are not real and thus have no substance.
In so many ways, others can only tell us about themselves – by the words they choose.
If the world is a mirror, choose wisely what part of that mirror you look into. May it be the shiny, pure portion in which you see your best self.
People are inspired to write for many reasons. I realized last evening, one of the most profound reasons may be to “negate the negations”.
I am paraphrasing a quote by Joan Miro, but the resonance stands.
Too many have grown up or are currently living in situations in which their sense of personhood, their hopes, their dreams, their attempts at love and living are constantly negated.
They are belittled, misunderstood, bullied, ignored, and manipulated.
And, yet, the Spirit somehow remains strong and steadfast. It takes root and refuses to stop its own growth in the face of such negativity.
It finds a way to express and expand, and frequently, in this forum, it chooses the act of writing to “negate the negations”.
In the act of writing and creating, the Spirit finds a profound, actual, physical form of counteracting what others have attempted to lay upon it.
The stories are told, the truths are realized, the negations are negated by the profound act of creation.
Never doubt the power of your writing to find your truth. Some require this balance point in life more than others. 🙂
Fall through the Sky
With wings of Love
The three objects holding the “net” in this image came from a book I am reading. The book talked about 3 inner drives- fear, anger, shame- which in turn produce 3 behaviors- compulsions, addictions, disorders, leading to numbness, pain, and confusion.
Looking at feelings/behaviors in this manner resonated with me. Our fear, shame, and anger can lead to our compulsions which numb us out and leave us feeling confused.
With this awareness, I pictured piercing through the “net” that linked these behaviors and feelings.
I drew a Large bird in free fall, much bigger than the net linking these thoughts, ready to pierce these linkages in its quest for freedom.
I liked the idea that for these linkages to be broken, the energy could not come from the ground, but rather needed to come from above- The Bird of Love.