If you have ever witnessed someone with narcissistic tendencies attempting to parent children, it’s like watching an undeveloped teenager “babysit” some kids for almost two decades.
The primary parental directive to love and honor the child for WHO the child is is completely lacking for the narcissistic parent. The narcissist relates to no one beyond his or her self-serving needs and this, of course, includes the narcissist’s children.
This came to my awareness the other day, when my stepchildren, ages 16 and 13, told me for the umpteenth time that when the youngest one got “old enough”, their Mom and her boyfriend were going to move far, far away. Places listed so far include Italy and various Caribbean islands.
The Mom has made very, very clear to these children that as soon as Mommy can physically leave them forever (she left them emotionally years ago) that she is DONE.
There is no sense of wanting to support these children as they grow into adults. There is no desire to “be there” for these children when they start their careers and /or families. There is no desire to simply want to witness, celebrate, share, and be proud of these children as they grow into adulthood.
Mommy is symbolically the teenage babysitter counting down the minutes until she can be free.
And my stepchildren are left with the sense that no matter what they do – including growing up and becoming a wonderful adult- they will never be able to make Mommy want to be with them.
She will leave, as she has made so clear to them, as soon as she can.