Narcissistic Parents: Children “Raising” Children

Whatever makes You Happy

Whatever makes You Happy

If you have ever witnessed someone with narcissistic tendencies attempting to parent children, it’s like watching an undeveloped teenager “babysit” some kids for almost two decades.

The primary parental directive to love and honor the child for WHO the child is is completely lacking for the narcissistic parent. The narcissist relates to no one beyond his or her self-serving needs and this, of course, includes the narcissist’s children.

This came to my awareness the other day, when my stepchildren, ages 16 and 13, told me for the umpteenth time that when the youngest one got “old enough”, their Mom and her boyfriend were going to move far, far away. Places listed so far include Italy and various Caribbean islands.

The Mom has made very, very clear to these children that as soon as Mommy can physically leave them forever (she left them emotionally years ago) that she is DONE.

There is no sense of wanting to support these children as they grow into adults. There is no desire to “be there” for these children when they start their careers and /or families. There is no desire to simply want to witness, celebrate, share, and be proud of these children as they grow into adulthood.

Mommy is symbolically the teenage babysitter counting down the minutes until she can be free.

And my stepchildren are left with the sense that no matter what they do – including growing up and becoming a wonderful adult- they will never be able to make Mommy want to be with them.
She will leave, as she has made so clear to them, as soon as she can.

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15 thoughts on “Narcissistic Parents: Children “Raising” Children

  1. Oh, this breaks my heart. How hard that must be for them (and you and your spouse). It is up to you two to somehow make them feel they are not wanting, it is their mother who is.

  2. Disgraceful. I used to wonder why narcissists would have kids, but of course it isnt to raise and love them, they merely serve a function to boost the status of the narcissist as in look i am just like everyone else, I have kids, as well as the fact they expect unconditional love from them and can dictate their lives.
    About the sickest thing.

  3. I deal with a version of this with Mr. T – and the abandonment issues that come with a biological father he doesn’t know, wasn’t around – only met like 3 times when he was younger. It hurts when the parent can’t see the damage they are inflicting on their kids, those scars are so deep in, healing will take lots of time. I’m glad that you are there to mother (v) them when they need it.

      • LOL!! No, no I haven’t risen above it all. Oh if you only knew that someone had to delete messages on my phone because I couldn’t do it – and it was unhealthy for me (but only after he took a blood oath to be my backup should I need it later!). I love that you think I have, but oh my goodness… no, just no.

      • Oh, Kate! I am LOLing. I so believe you have risen above it πŸ™‚ I love the story about the phone and the backup, in case you need it. I guess by “risen above it”, I meant you had raised a great, healthy kid despite other people’s craziness πŸ™‚

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