After interactions with a narcissistic individual, we often sense a need for healing. Healing of “what”? I began asking myself. I realized we are often looking to heal multiple wounds of disconnection.
When you interact with a narcissistic individual, gaping wounds may develop as one part of you is disconnected from another.
In dealing with a narcissistic individual, you may find yourself experiencing the following disconnections:
1. The narcissist will attempt to disconnect your mind from reality.
You may think you saw or experienced something, the narcissist will tell you otherwise. You make even seek reassurance from others that your experience was “real” and the narcissist will insist your experiences were not real. You are simply crazy, according to the narcissist. With time, you may begin to doubt your own mind’s perceptions.
2. The narcissist will attempt to disconnect your actions from your intentions.
You may have begun an endeavor with the most sincere of intentions. The narcissist will distort and manipulate even the best of intentions into something dark and crazy. You can bring up evidence to the contrary about why you did what you did, but the narcissist will hear none of it. You may begin to doubt even your most gracious, loftiest intention.
3. The narcissist will attempt to disconnect your words from their accepted meaning.
To a narcissist, words have no meaning other than the meaning the narcissist is currently attaching to the word. You may be eloquent, you may be articulate and all your words will bang and clang around the narcissist’s mind as he or she comes up with his or her own interpretation of what YOU meant. And the narcissist has no hesitancy in explaining YOUR intended meaning to YOU.
4. The narcissist will attempt to disconnect events from context.
If words have no meaning to a narcissist, context is next in line in the “meaning-less” game. Narcissists do not engage appropriately with context. They exist in a context-less world of their own creation. You will try to explain a series of standard, reasonable events in relation to context and the narcissist will act as if you are spinning a science fiction tale.
5. The narcissist will disconnect your emotions from your heart.
Where you once saw yourself as loving, compassionate, and mature, spending time with a narcissist will have you doubting each and every one of these things about yourself. Emotions can add color to our lives. Emotions can help us connect, relate, and respond. Spend enough time with a narcissist and you emotions become such a tangled mess you can recognize one typical emotion from another.
In medicine, we speak about wound healing the time it may take, as well as factors that delay wound healing. Narcissistic individuals not only create wounds within others, they delay the healing of such wounds.
When you find yourself reflecting on interactions with a narcissist and feeling vulnerable, remember there was likely an attempt to disconnect you from something and make you feel less than whole. It may help to visual this attempt at disconnection and picture it healing together just like any other wound.
YOu are a wonderful person with mind, actions, words, context, and emotions all intact. Remember this.