The Narcissistic Disconnection

Healing Heart

Healing Heart

After interactions with a narcissistic individual, we often sense a need for healing. Healing of “what”? I began asking myself. I realized we are often looking to heal multiple wounds of disconnection.

When you interact with a narcissistic individual, gaping wounds may develop as one part of you is disconnected from another.

In dealing with a narcissistic individual, you may find yourself experiencing the following disconnections:

1. The narcissist will attempt to disconnect your mind from reality.
You may think you saw or experienced something, the narcissist will tell you otherwise. You make even seek reassurance from others that your experience was “real” and the narcissist will insist your experiences were not real. You are simply crazy, according to the narcissist. With time, you may begin to doubt your own mind’s perceptions.

2. The narcissist will attempt to disconnect your actions from your intentions.
You may have begun an endeavor with the most sincere of intentions. The narcissist will distort and manipulate even the best of intentions into something dark and crazy. You can bring up evidence to the contrary about why you did what you did, but the narcissist will hear none of it. You may begin to doubt even your most gracious, loftiest intention.

3. The narcissist will attempt to disconnect your words from their accepted meaning.
To a narcissist, words have no meaning other than the meaning the narcissist is currently attaching to the word. You may be eloquent, you may be articulate and all your words will bang and clang around the narcissist’s mind as he or she comes up with his or her own interpretation of what YOU meant. And the narcissist has no hesitancy in explaining YOUR intended meaning to YOU.

4. The narcissist will attempt to disconnect events from context.
If words have no meaning to a narcissist, context is next in line in the “meaning-less” game. Narcissists do not engage appropriately with context. They exist in a context-less world of their own creation. You will try to explain a series of standard, reasonable events in relation to context and the narcissist will act as if you are spinning a science fiction tale.

5. The narcissist will disconnect your emotions from your heart.
Where you once saw yourself as loving, compassionate, and mature, spending time with a narcissist will have you doubting each and every one of these things about yourself. Emotions can add color to our lives. Emotions can help us connect, relate, and respond. Spend enough time with a narcissist and you emotions become such a tangled mess you can recognize one typical emotion from another.

In medicine, we speak about wound healing the time it may take, as well as factors that delay wound healing. Narcissistic individuals not only create wounds within others, they delay the healing of such wounds.

When you find yourself reflecting on interactions with a narcissist and feeling vulnerable, remember there was likely an attempt to disconnect you from something and make you feel less than whole. It may help to visual this attempt at disconnection and picture it healing together just like any other wound.

YOu are a wonderful person with mind, actions, words, context, and emotions all intact. Remember this.

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25 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Disconnection

  1. Lovely drawing. I like the white light surrounding the healing heart. And the wound that’s cool and not hot. It’s better in blues than in reds.

  2. Oh awesome, this was well said. You have really nailed it there. Wounds of disconnections, that’s a great way to put it. I sometimes say they seek to unravel you. It’s a bit like that old movie Gaslight. Narcissists really will cause you to doubt your own perceptions, reality, and sanity.

  3. “Narcissistic individuals not only create wounds within others, they delay the healing of such wounds.” So powerfully true. Excellent post explains the pain you come away with from any interaction with the narcissist and explains oh so succinctly, why.

  4. Dear Kimberly and Friends, Narcs are evil, and they like themselves just fine. Meanwhile, the rest of us are prone to question our own motives, (Holy Spirit conviction). Narcs, like their father below (satan), pervert any good work within us. Truely sickening individuals!

  5. First off, beautiful post that clearly explains what can be happening to us without us realizing, and the more you can draw attention to how and why these wounds appear, the better equipment others will be in dealing with it and taking care of themselves. Secondly, and most importantly, my thoughts and prayers are with you, I should have known better than to hope that interactions would improve with distance, but it sounds like the opposite may have happened! I don’t know what is happening, but my love is with you as a balm for any wounds you may have experienced!

      • I didn’t even realize that I was in the clutches of a narcissist, until I had broken loose and gotten counseling. My ex went “crazy”, and walked out on me and the kids three years ago, on Christmas Eve, 3 days after I had back surgery. I thought he was going to kill himself, because he had been carrying a gun around and acting strange. I was afraid of him. He is still in my life, as we have to share custody of the kids. The only communicating we do is involving logistics about the kids. He tries to suck me back in every now and then, but I recognize it, and don’t engage him. The last year we were together was horrible. I was becoming severely depressed. I tried to be a better spouse, but it was never enough. I left with nothing, had to bring the police to get some clothing from the house, and a year later, the ex put some of my things at the street for me to pick up. It was a long divorce, and a slow rebuild.
        Do you have children with the narcissist? You are wise to recognize it…

      • I am so glad you limit your communication as much as possible. That is key!! I am very glad you are rebuilding. It is difficult when children are involved because the N will use them as pawns. everything is simply part of the stage set-up for his or her life. My husband’s ex-wife is a narcissist- so in that way, I witness how N’s interact with children. Sad.

  6. You really see, what is going on inside the narc’s Kimberly. No matter what we ever will do to or for them, it will never be good enough. When we see this too late, we are destroyed for many years, if not for the rest of our lives.

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