The Unholy Exchange

Man's Thoughts of Himself

Man’s Thoughts of Himself

The Narcissist–

The facile, persona, who DEMANDS SO MUCH LOVE, and gives so little in return.

—–
I often think about the unbalancing act that comes with interacting with a narcissist. Why is the cost so great? What exactly is the exchange that leaves one feeling so empty, abused, used, and spinning in one’s head?

To enter into an interaction with a narcissist is to enter into an unholy, unequal exchange.

Much, so much, will be DEMANDED of you- not requested, not hoped for, but DEMANDED and so little will be given to you in exchange.

You may be tempted to continue to interact with the narcissist, seeking some how, your own relationship homeostasis of equality. That will never happen.

The pull you feel to fill yourself up again is intentionally created by the narcissist, with the sole intent that you will return to him or her with longing to ease your pain.

Don’t do it.

You have nothing to gain from one who gives so little.

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11 thoughts on “The Unholy Exchange

  1. I think that it is worth considering that the narcissistic cunt in question (mother of children/ex-wife) is, by virtue of the focus of so much of your art and expression, receiving an undue amount of attention. She is giving so little you her family (children) and extended family (you and your husband), yet she is receiving all of this attention and even though she may not be aware of any of it. Put colourfully, so much of this is a sacrifice on the altar of someone demanding to be a god and wholly unworthy of anything close to a footstool as a pedestal.

    It seems to me that this strong focus here on narcissism generally is something that more or less gives narcissists what they want, irrespective of whether or not any of them are aware, because what is wanted is for the worlds of individuals to revolve around them and here, in this, in some meaningful way that is exactly what is happening.

    I respect what your project is here with awareness and support for those suffering the affects of narcissistic assholes and I don’t want to take anything away from that; I would just ask that you think about offering more particular support. Consider, for example, looking at verbal abuse generally or specifically that is removed from the locus of narcissism or how businesses effectively demand babysitting to receive their services in a quality fashion and timely manner over narcissists demanding the focus of their attention. In this way people will be able to connect this behaviour to both the world at large (because it really is that general) and remove focus from those who are abusing them in a more personal fashion.

    Most people tend toward solipsism/narcissism and most of our concern should be about how disconnected this behaviour is from personhood. viz. it is impersonal. It is clear that most people genuinely do not care about other people and both the effects of this and how to deal with it seem to me more important than the general coping/dealing with those who do this on a more personal level. By way of direct comparison, the narcissistic cunt hurting your children, your husband and yourself aims to do it directly to each of you as she aims a personal pain. The vast sea of humanity acts similarly but impersonally, not caring that your children, your husband and yourself are you-as-individuals but rather someone who happens to be obstructing what they want.

    • For some reason, I am not sure how or why this developed, writing about narcissistic acts, even in generalities, has been my way of coping with seeing my children injured. I don’t know if I have ever really honestly stated that to myself or others. it’s as if by posting something, I can lessen the hurt of these acts. Now, I sometimes wonder if it isn’t just a way to deny the hurt- a diversion if you will. I will think about this.

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