I think there are times we are confronted with the lies we are telling (sometimes with the best of intent) about our lives and what we are actually doing.
Lies serve no one. Lies escalate, confuse, divert, manipulate and create a mess of knots in which we attempt to be hidden.
I have come to realize what a “Mom Lie” I have been living.
My husband’s ex-wife has never really effectively mom-ed her children. This has only escalated now that her boyfriend has suffered a severe injury and she stays with him at a hospital 80 minutes away, while her kids are with us. Of course, when she speaks to her son, she signs off the call with “Don’t forget about me!”
One way to have a child “not forget about you” is to actually show up and be present in the child’s life.
This past week, I have had the children completely to myself. The mom is with her boyfriend and my husband is on a business trip.
It is the week before school, so you can imagine how hectic is has been. I have taken my stepdaughter back and forth to work daily, signed my stepson up for a 3- day football camp and managed to take him ( 🙂 ), school schedule changes, meeting with my stepson’s teachers, a sleepover and so on.
All on my own .. and the kids and I have had a GREAT time. I only had to raise my voice once 🙂
Normally, I would have remained “hidden” in all of this, denying I was really doing “all that much”- afraid I would be attacked (Their Mom recently said that I do too much because I am trying to steal her thunder. The sense of “thunder” that she feels she presents with is barely a discrete fart, really.)
Not this time. I woke up today telling the kids what a great time we had and not denying what a great time they had with me. They don’t want their Mom to return, because, quite simply, she is never “really there” anyway.
Even today, she COULD come back- it is her day after all- but she thought it “best” if I took my stepson to get his football equipment and take my stepdaughter to work. She will be back “some time” later today.
I certainly hope I am not too “thunder-ous” as I carry out these duties.
I will no longer deny that I am the mother energy for these children, in both the literal and “big picture” sense of the word- “mother”. I remember the details of their lives, make plans for and with them to thrive (not only survive), and carry and conduct myself as a WOMAN of love and power, not a child who needs to be cared for by her own children.
For too long, I have lied about my role, primarily to myself, and it has caused pain and confusion for myself and others. No more.
Thunder on! 🙂
The image is a quick marker sketch.I liked the “uncertainty” of the figure as it walked towards its light.