The Power of “Not Good Enough” Girl

Angel Carrying Sun

Angel Carrying Sun

I have an alter ego. I used to say I was secretly a “bad-ass rocker chick”, until I mentioned it to my family. After they stopped laughing, they said the only other career they thought I could have is as a librarian. I am not sure they were too hopeful even with that.

I met my other alter ego recently. We have been having a very busy summer. I will do three trips in 8 weeks, I am teaching 3 classes, and am beginning a new consulting opportunity. In the midst, we are building a new home and attempting to sell our current one.

Our realtor called the other day and said some agents were saying our home was too cluttered. You see, I had been packing and had nowhere to put the boxes.

I was mortified. I chastised myself- “Our house is not selling because you made it too cluttered, even after they said to remove the clutter. What were you thinking? You should have had the house cleaner.”

As I walked under the shade tree to my car at work that day, I met her, my alter ego, “Not Good Enough” (NGE) girl.

“NGE” girl has been with me my entire life. In deep conversations with friends, I would literally say, ” I wish I were good enough.” Good enough at what? My answer would have been “Life in general.”

“NGE” Girl is unstoppable. She was created, in her mind, to save the world. She was first going to save my mother (who was suicidal for part of my childhood). Step two, even better, was that she was going to make my mother happy.

She would do everything in her powers, and still it would NOT be enough. Thus “NGE” Girl was born.

I had not “seen” her for some time until that day. It amazed me (and perhaps you can relate) how rabid, intense, and cut-throat that internal voice of my “failure” was. My house was “not good enough” and by extension neither was I.

I don’t think I am the only woman who lives with such a voice. I think there are many, many “NGE” Girls out there.

“NGE” Girls are always striving, always perfecting, in an attempt to “be enough”.

I like to change things around and find my power, if you will. In any event in which I am lost, I picture an infinity loop with me in the center. I send my energy out, and the goal is for it to turn that corner and return to me, completing the cycle.

I put the energy of “NGE” Girl out there- how could I get that energy back?

I believe each contains its opposite- so what power could I gain from “NGE” Girl?

“NGE” Girl is first and foremost- unstoppable. It may not always be the healthiest approach, but She truly believes She can and will do it all.

“NGE” Girl is driven. She has “failed” so many times, failure does not even register with her, She keeps going.

“NGE” Girl is smart, wicked- smart. She has to be. If She is going to save herself and the world, She will watch, She will learn and She will begin to anticipate.

“NGE” Girl is compassionate. Having been belittled and “not enough” her entire life, She knows an underdog when She sees one and has no problem being a champion of its cause.

“NGE” Girl is fearless. She has already lost a lot and still She is willing to risk more.

“NGE” Girl is aware. She is tried her entire life to “make it right”. It has been her passion to live to her highest potential. It may not be recognized by others but She know “good enough” is there and she refuses to settle.

As I wrote, I think there are many “NGE” Girls out there. We may have been overtly told or subjectively referenced that we are “not enough”.

But that “not enough” has carried a potential of Power within It. May every “NGE” Girl not only learn to use that Power, but come to acknowledge it!

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25 thoughts on “The Power of “Not Good Enough” Girl

  1. I love the angel carrying the sun! The wings look like a heart.

    Beautiful words, I have met NGE girl. She really does have many redeeming qualities. She’s a bit of a warrior wouldn’t you say? She just needs to recognize her limitations and not beat herself up for having them.

  2. It would be so much better, when we learn to tell, not just others, but also ourselves, that when we do our best, it IS good enough, no matter what it is.
    I think we are many who know her Kimberly ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Love this. Makes me think of “NGE” Girl and her battles against her archenemy (All that & a Bag of Chips) AkA the narcissist.

  4. Oh Kimberly! You are so amazingly insightful. Us NGE’s are right here with ya!

    In my case, I was supposed to have “cured” my mother’s polio that she had before I was born. She was in a wheelchair. She thought the second pregnancy (that’s me) would somehow take it away, and take my sociopathic father with it, too. Well, needless to say, I “failed” on ALL accounts, and 57 years later, my bad ass NGE has helped me survive, always pushing for perfection.

    I’m tired now, and my NGE is an old crone. I honor her efforts, she wears a crown and sits on high. She’s retired, mostly, from active duty, though, does always check in daily! THANK YOU so much for letting me see that our efforts have been worthy.

    YOU, Kimberly are enough and more!! I so appreciate you, you’re amazing. Someday we will meet, my friend. Carry on, I’m sending all the love, energy, and peace of the Universe for your tasks!
    love, love, love,
    Linda

    • This was amazing to read. You were set up to “fail” from literally the beginning, on every account. I just love the image of the NGE transitioning to an old crone. She has served her purpose and rather than rejecting her, we can embrace her fortitude and wisdom. I wish you the best ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Thank you Kimberly. Fact is, I’ve been a huge success at “failure!” And it’s consequent freedom. … “freedom’s just another word for nothin left to lose”, yes? True freedom from needing to be perfect and solve every problem, instead have unconditional love for myself, for NGE girl, and for all that is, all the while respecting my needs for safety and wholeness.

        She (NGE) starts to soften, then. She also just wants to be loved. Thank you for showing us that we can love her, love our failures, be grateful for our experiences and re-write our stories in the truth of who we came here to be.

        I celebrate your strength, power and courage! Love, Linda

  5. Ah! And I thought she was unique to me ๐Ÿ™‚ Nar…not really! I can honor the steadfast diligence of NGE girl…but imagine if we allowed that same kind of unrelenting power to manifest in NBL girl…Nothing But Love!! Yes…I think I like it ๐Ÿ˜‰ Awesome post, Kim! And WOW…you have a lot going on…make sure there is time to nurture YOU!! โ™กโ™ก

  6. I was raised by an old-school NGE Girl… and my mother, who is still NGE Girl, gifted me with some of the same. I realized early that there are some very great qualities that NGE Girl has to offer, but I temper that a myriad of other superhero girls. I am going to work on NBL Girl! Kimberly, thank you so much for being a champion of all of the people who wear and have worn the cape of NGE GIrl and for bringing your spin and your positivity to the world! You are a superhero!

  7. There are MANY of us NGE girls out there! Usually I feel beat down my the way she thinks, but you have offered a different perspective here. NGE has resulted in some kick-ass moments, scaling mountains, but I always thought the underlying emotion a heartbreaking one, because no matter what we do, that little voice will always say it wasn’t good enough. I think next time I’ll just ninja it! ;-D

  8. Love the picture. It could be hands, angel wings, anything. And believe me, every time you experience NGE girl, there are others experiencing NGE boy. I’m always shocked by someone that’s just so confident of everything they do.

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