One trap that can occur when you interact with narcissists is the desire to provide an explanation for the narcissist’s behavior. We simply struggle believing someone can be so calculating, cold, and cruel, so we step in with our “explanations”.
The word you must keep in mind when observing a narcissist’s behavior is the word “intentional”.
The narcissist “forgets” something important to you. It’s intentional.
The narcissist “mistakenly” ignores you. It’s intentional.
The narcissist “unknowingly” creates a chaotic situation. It’s intentional.
The narcissist “unwittingly” neglects responsibility and blames you. It’s intentional.
The narcissist “overlooks” saying thank you for a gift. It’s intentional.
The narcissist “accidentally” destroys something of value to you. It’s intentional.
The narcissist “acts” as if you don’t exist. It’s intentional.
The narcissist “accidentally” hurts you. It’s intentional.
It’s intentional. It’s intentional.
“It’s intentional” should be your mantra. It gets you out of fantasy-land of trying to justify, and God forbid, “understand”.
An update on a previous blog in which my husband’s ex-wife ‘directed” him as to what their son should wear at the piano recital, when she had dressed him in sweatpants and a flannel shirt for the last one.
After issuing her directive, along with a text re-stating the times of my stepson’s and stepdaughter’s performances, she managed to MISS my stepson’s performance.
That is right. She can direct and tell others what to do, while she can not bother showing up on time.
In case you think this may be a small issue, the recital was held in the piano teacher’s home. I was not there (thank goodness. I do not know how I would have held my face together as she bustled in late). And it was obvious to my stepson that his Mom could not be bothered to show.
Oh, wait, she did show up 10 minutes late – AFTER he performed – acting all surprised that she had missed his performance.
Only two words for that- It’s intentional.
I do wonder how it affects an 11- year old boy to have his Mom intentionally miss his performance.
I am not sure about the image. It was my imagining the narcissist’s self-view that he or she is a Bird of Paradise. In actuality, they present more like a head-less, one-legged ostrich, with awareness completely buried in the sand.