In situations of abuse, it can be difficult to keep one’s mind intact.
So much projection fueled by anger and suspicion coupled with the “God help me, please let me make this better” internal demand.
And then we learn.
the anger projected upon me- not mine.
the relentless belittling of me- not mine.
the rage flung at me- not mine.
the petty control of me- not mine.
the insistent degradation of me- not mine.
the words thrust upon me- not mine.
We see what is “not mine” and what a hard fought battle it is. We move that energy to where it is to properly lay and then we sometimes forget. We forget to close the loop and use the one thing in abuse that is “mine”- the pain.
The pain you suffered is yours- this, you can not deny.
You need to own that pain, because that pain (which if you are like me, you work so hard to hide) is the one thing that is yours that boldly tells you-
“This hurts and it is so not *bleeping* right”.
The abuse is not our fault, we did not cause it, and we need not own those acts. What we can own, and we must, is the pain the ensued. For this is ours, and being ours, it is ours to own. And when we do, we come to terms of what has been and what can become.
Why? Because we are no longer in denial and we are no longer hidden- to the one who matters the most- ourselves.
Note: I don’t mean by this posting that one should remain in pain forever. What I am hoping to point out that your pain is your primary signal in the situation and to honor that pain and what it means to you.
This posting is also for those who try to hurry and push others along to “just get over it”. Don’t do that. A person who is willing and honestly confronting/working with his or her pain is a person on the route to healing. The pain is a road mark on the journey.