How you MUST view yourself when dealing with your Favorite Narcissist

Double View

Double View

It is probably my posts on narcissism which bring the most self-doubt to me as a writer. I wonder compared to the other topics I discuss if narcissism just doesn’t fit. Yet, I continue to get comments about prior narcissism blogs and how they have helped and provided some insights.

So, if my pain can truly be your gain- then I will continue to write about this topic πŸ™‚

An insight I have had recently is that to “function” with your favorite narcissist, you must get to the point in which you truly see YOUR LIFE as bigger, more important, more needing of your time, attention, love, and compassion as compared to how you see the life of the narcissist.

A narcissist can be SO consuming, in both large and small ways, their lives truly begin to assume a proportion larger than life- well, especially larger than yours or mine.

With a narcissist, with any bit of information, time, or space, your thoughts will immediately be drawn to them and how they are affected before even a single neuron in your brain lights up with the idea that you matter too.

There are many reasons for this- one of the primary being the survival instinct that begins to take over if you spend any time at all with narcissists. You begin to engage in life in a very basic manner— stimulus (whatever may affect the narcissist) and your response—crisis management in relation to the narcissist.

In some ways, to overcome interacting with a narcissist, you must be willing to recondition yourself.

The art image above is a symbol which has helped me in the past days. When I need to interact with a narcissist, I envision the image above. I view MY life as the larger frame (square) in the picture and the narcissist’s life as the smaller of the two.

It’s a play on mirrors and the distorted reflections that arise when dealing with a narcissist.

You must always, always remember that your life is bigger, more important, and more worthy of your time, energy, and attention than the life of the narcissist.

Will this be difficult? For some, yes. Will this go against every instinct you have? For some, yes. Is it necessary? For all, yes.

Dealing with a narcissist is a survival of the fittest. A narcissist loves to make you feel and look small.

Don’t fall for a narcissist’s view of your life in proportion to theirs.

Look at the image above- your Life is the bigger of the two squares- believe it.


24 thoughts on “How you MUST view yourself when dealing with your Favorite Narcissist

  1. I think you’ll stop writing about this topic when you have worked through it and released it. I tend to skip over these blogs now when you post them, b/c I released the 2 narcissists that were so prominent in my life last spring (actually it was Easter – can’t get more symbolic than that! ). So, although I’m still releasing layers of their energy from mine in my dream-time, they are not a focus in my waking life. These posts do remind me what a strong force they can have on people, and that saddens me. I hope you, and your readers who resonate with your posts are able to find the healing of release in whatever form it can occur ❀

    • I would love to release all the narcissists in my life. I am so glad that you were able to do this. My issue is that there are children involved. Otherwise, I would be very, very happy to cut ties. πŸ™‚

      • I understand, and that’s why I kept my parents in my life for so long, for my children. But, they were being adversely affected as well. I know your situation is different, and I hope Spirit will help bring you release and peace in perhaps a more subtle form.

  2. YES! Please. Keep writing about this topic! This is the exact thing I’ve been writing about in my journaling recently. I matter. More than anyone, especially the narcissist. That image of the mirrors is perfect. When I see my life as bigger, then I stop trying to calculate absolutely everything I do to fit into their frame. It becomes the opposite, instead. Is it easy – NO! It DOES go against every grain of my old way of being – that is, pleasing to make sure I don’t make waves. But I’m writing a new story now, one that is how you’ve described right here. So THANK YOU, Kimberly. Thank you. Our lives are big, and they are connected and where two or more are gathered we are powerful and big too. No one can make us small anymore.

    • Thank you so, so much for your support!! I do agree that we can help one another in the sharing of our stories. We can make such an impact and really give each other strength and hope. That is what I am hoping to do. As you write, where two or more are gathered….Amen to that πŸ™‚

  3. You shouldn’t feel that your writing is affected – it doesn’t seem so to me. It could be a measure of the internal effect that this narcissist is having on you. They do occupy more than their share of space, oxygen, time, you name it. Stay with it. Your writing is terrific. πŸ™‚

  4. I am sorry, you feel “suffocated”, this is what I am getting from your post? You do realize, the only way to “beat” them at their own game, is to sincerely no longer care. Rejection, is the hardest pill for them to swallow. Even with my children’s father he hates the fact I ignore him, you can tell, I am deeply effected by his alleged feelings. ((rolling eyes))

    • I get that the point would be to no longer care. It does drive a narcissist crazy (i.e. your ex – πŸ™‚ ). The issue for me is that there are children involved who are picking up these narcissistic tendencies in some ways. On some days, yes, I would love to ignore the children and their issues. Just not quite there yet πŸ™‚

      • Oh no, maybe I didn’t word it correctly, you have to give the “appearance of not caring”, its what they want, to triangulate you into whatever issue of the moment is. I have to step back for my own sanity! Unfortunately, I care way to much, spending way too much time crying in the bathroom, praying to God, they would hurry up and turn 18! If he knows his cruelty to the children is bothering me he will continue to do so during his custodial time to get a reaction out of me. I have to ignore what he is doing so he will not abuse the children.

      • I don’t know why I laughed about this, but I did (at the first bit, at least)- you are right it is the “appearance of not caring”.
        I feel for you and your children. You are so wise to be aware of the games he is playing.

      • Well I am glad you got a laugh in, because, this is what really happened. initially I started to write “You have to have that teenage “I dont give a F*** Attitude””. Then I was like, ooh that sounds horrible, so my re-write came out wrong, maybe next time, I’ll just go with the original! Lol. Eh, Ive known this NS for a long time almost 20 years, he doesnt pull to many suprise punches on me. When he does, I am very Audrey Hepburn, all poise, smile even breathing, I can not control the anger in my eyes, sunglasses or I cast them down. “Appearance of not caring”, its very hard to be a stone, when you are a very passionate about everything person. Its not wise , its survival. Sadly.

      • I don’t think it’s about “them”. The children OR the narcissist. When we start focusing on ourselves and our beautiful Big lives the rest takes care of itself, in time. When we reframe our lives in the way you have illustrated the narcissist becomes secondary. And the children benefit from the most important gift you can give, that of living an authentic life of integrity. Kimberly, I think you ARE there. Issues resolve more gracefully and easily when we take care of OURSELVES with love. Forget about “them”. Turn around and look in the mirror. YOU are so beautiful! We are.

  5. Whoa, believe me, I’ve spent years crying in the bathroom!! YES… For my own sanity, mostly. For some sort of respite. Looking in that mirror for some sort of answers and help.
    The only answer I ever have gotten is my own self. I so admire you, and all of us who are in this process of rising above the insanity. God is in the bathroom, and in our mirrors. Keep praying, I’m with you!!!

  6. Love the art, as always, but Love the statement “Don’t fall for a narcissist’s view of your life in proportion to theirs” – I don’t have a narcissist in my life, but it’s always interesting to see how your life lessons can be applied in my own life as well! And, well, darn it, but that statement has resounds with me!!
    πŸ™‚ Take care!

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