The One Thing All Narcissists Do…and I Say Enough…

Pinned to the Wall

Pinned to the Wall

One thing that currently drives me crazy about the thoughts and behaviors of narcissists is how narcissists go around and label everyone’s intentions.

Of course, being narcissists, they color everyone’s intentions with darkness.

Run into a male co-worker at a restaurant and speak to him? The narcissist describes your intentions as wanting to have an affair. (You were simply saying “Hi”. Being in a relationship with a narcissist, how would you ever have the mental/physical space to cheat anyway? It’s Narcissist, narcissist, narcissist all the time.)

Buy needed items for the household. Perhaps purchase an extra something on sale? The narcissist labels your intention as the desire to destroy him financially. (Really, you were just trying to keep the bathrooms stocked with toilet paper, crazy person that you are.)

Want to spend time with your friends and family? The narcissist describes your intentions as unbelievably selfish and a sure sign you don’t love him. (Really, you were just trying to be “normal” and see your family- that thing non-narcissists everywhere do.)

It is incredibly demoralizing, let alone, painful, to have one’s sincere actions labeled as if you have some horrible, destructive intentions.

Each and every action you take in a relationship with a narcissist can be twisted and turned until you end up feeling like and looking like the “bad guy”.

It can become so bad, that you, yourself, may begin to doubt that love was the intention behind your actions. Don’t let this happen to you.

If your action was motivated by love- know that and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

To each and every narcissist I may come across in life- my motto is simply this-

DO NOT LABEL MY ACTIONS WITH YOUR OWN CRAZY, DELUSIONAL INTENTIONS.

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32 thoughts on “The One Thing All Narcissists Do…and I Say Enough…

  1. They’re sad, insecure and project their ugliness onto us. It’s enought to make a person insane trying to unravel the thinking behind all of their misperceptions of our actions. If we had zero intention to harm or deceive, then we willl never be able to uncover one. And our unending quest to find one in order to make sense of why the narcissist would make such ugly accusations leads us down the rabbit hole. The accusations must be dismissed immediately and given zero power. When I was with the sociopath, his accusations and misinterpretations of my intentions wore me down. I finally said nothing to defend myself. It wasn’t even worth the argument. At that point, all I could do was plot my escape.

    • Thanks for this comment Paula. It is so tiring trying to defend actions that were well-intentioned. You are right- it is a rabbit hole of confusion when we engage on this matter with someone.
      By the way, I am LOVING your book. I am going to post a review on Amazon. You really provided a space for voices to be heard.

  2. If this wasn’t such a sad reality for you, it would be laughable. I guess humor is one of the few resources you have to maintain your sanity. No wonder you are so good at self-examination, you have lots of practice!

  3. What’s scary is when they feel they have a perfect right to punish you for the action/crime that that they have inferred from your behaviour. For example, if they forget something important, it’s understandable and should be easily forgiven. If I were to overlook something, however minor, I obviously did it deliberately to upset them and deserve a raft of spiteful behaviour, although I have no idea what I’m supposed to have done!

  4. You will never, ever change the narcissist. The choices are to stick around for more pain and demoralizing or walk away. Walk away from that which cannot love you and learn how to love yourself.

  5. So very true Kim! I’ve found, just in the last 6 mo or so, how we all (some more than others) can ruin things by bringing their own assumptions to the table. I learned that lesson in a less than pleasant way, and it’s made me see how so many people make assumptions about our actions – and I think that narcissists do it in an much more exaggerated way – and how draining that can be for everyone around them!

  6. It’s so true what you wrote, and the examples make it clear. You want to visit your family and the narcissist gets jealous. It’s terrible. Your drawing, however, is disturbing me! Are those maggots?! Eww. If the narcissist is trapped in that cocoon of negativity, then I feel sorry for him or her. Nobody should live like that. Too bad they insist on being in the dark, on being separated from the group, and on judging us with hate and falsehood. It’s all just wrong.

  7. I’ve gone through this and then some. You’re so right on with this post. Even after I had broken up with a narcissist she contacted me just to say I shouldn’t be writing comments on blogs because it showed I didn’t love her. They are a absolutely delusional unfortunately.

  8. To have children with this difficult personality type is playing with fire. I have experienced complete alienation from my mother as a child due to my father’s control and my mother’s inability to “handle it’. Anyone in such a relationship needs to exit before kids are involved, if at all possible. My mother’s life was destroyed (hence my blog/memoir).

  9. Your blog helped me to “understand” what I had been dealing with for so long. 15 years…I have been away from him for six months now…Had to be homeless for a while to do it, but it was all worth it. I never knew what was wrong with him…well, because according to him it was MY problem…he was fine. He still tells me that…I haven’t been able to cut him completely from my life yet, but I have peace now…I am happy. Thanks

    • I am so, so glad my writing could help in any way. it is so difficult trying to maintain one’s balance when dealing with a narcissist, we all must hlep one another.
      Of course, your ex- thought YOU were the problem…a narcissist never, ever sees himself as the problem

      • I’m so glad you are helping so many…Just having someone show me what I was really dealing with, and that I was not the “crazy” one really helped.
        It’s “funny”…HE left me with no money, no job, and a two day eviction notice..and he still won’t admit that he did anything wrong. He didn’t even try to contact me when I was homeless for 6 weeks…and even though I asked him a million times to just say he’s sorry for what I went through, he still hasn’t…and I know he won’t. All he talks about is what it did to him when I “left” him. hmm, so sad.

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