The Isolation is not only Physical when you interact with a Narcissist



Living with a narcissist is to have your ticket punched for a one-way trip to Fantasy Island. And not the good kind of Fantasy Island.

All abuse at its core is an existential crisis. The abuser making it quite clear- agree to what I am doing or I will end your existence either literally or symbolically in my world.

The island metaphor works for abuse on several levels. I think most are aware of the physical isolation brought on by abuse and the abuser.

What I think gets overlooked is the mental isolation that occurs with abuse. The abuser makes it very, very clear- either believe in my fantasy land and support it fully- (i.e. tell lies to protect me) or you are finished.

Thus, you become isolated not only physically, but also mentally, because no one else is living with you in the world of made-up lies.

Any symbolic attempts to have flights of Truth and Reality land on this island are subsequently shot down.

This is what it is to live with a narcissist- you become the sole inhabitants of a mentally-distorted Fantasy Island.

Sidenote: Sometimes my art is not what I expect. This was simply a scribble on a sheet to see what shape would emerge. I saw it as a duck/swan combination (which my husband now creatively refers to as the “Swuck picture”).

And, when I realized this image somehow attached itself to this blog posting in my mind, I realized what I had drawn and it was painful.

I thought of ducks in a shooting gallery. The duck I had drawn seems to have a target on its eye. And, I realized, this is what it is to live with a narcissist- feeling as if you are in a symbolic shooting gallery, with a target upon your being.


24 thoughts on “The Isolation is not only Physical when you interact with a Narcissist

  1. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    The duck also looks frightened as if caught. Perhaps that is how you felt. The classic tactic of a narcissist or sociopath is isolation. It is the first step in control. If you are in a relationship where your partner wants you to be with only them it isn’t healthy. RUN.

  2. This is so true. My narcissist mother kept me on a little island where I had no way to compare with others or see what was going on. Being away from her has shown me so many things that I did not know. No contact is a blessing.

  3. Ahh, so very true. That fantasy land, I usually refer to as being like a hall of mirrors in a carnival fun house, except without the fun. You are quite literally trapped in this world of somebody elses reflection and if you stay there too long, you start to lose your powers of perception entirely.

  4. I have an interesting story. I went no contact for 2 years with someone with narcissistic characteristic.. extreme ones.. and I was able to reach another part of her. I would have never thought it was possible. She was willing to meet me. It still seems a bit unbelievable.
    ❤ I know this may be rare. But it is possible.
    ❤ Laurie

    • I am glad for you, if this person is important in your life, that you were able to reach a different part of her. I do worry about those who spend years with such hope and effort and it not only does it not come to fruition, as your situation did, but they end being further damaged. 😦

      • Yes. I understand that. ❤ It was my mom. I was really really shocked. I was ok with myself either way.. I was ok if I never spoke to her again. I had no contact at all for 2 years. And I had a 2 year old daughter at the time. ❤ It shocked me that she was willing to meet me and I was willing too. I did feel peace before we reunited. I think that if that is as far as it went, it would have been ok too.

  5. I got out of a relationship with a narcissist. 4 years of hell. I now exhibit PTSD symptoms because of the abuse. I do not know when I will fully recover but NO CONTACT is the only solution. I believe narcissists cannot change because this is how they are built. No matter what sad, sometimes terrible circumstances in their childhood made them who they are, it is irreversible. JUST RUN.

    • It can be so damaging and destabilizing dealing with a narcissist. They are excellent manipulators, who can make us doubt every single thing we thought we knew about life. I am glad you are now away from this individual. Many times we can only heal when we have the space to do so.

  6. There is a word for the fantasy and expecting you to ignore reality and participate in their fantasy: gaslighting. It says, “I will tell you what reality is, and only my reality is valid” It’s insidious and when you DO discover the truth, look out for yourself because that is when the narcissist puts on the not-so-nice mask. And, it awakens your own anger. You have to learn to manage the deluge of anger that hits you.

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