When the Narcissist Puts all the Expectation on You



Sometimes for reasons only known to the themselves, a narcissist suddenly stops.

I don’t mean they stop belittling, demeaning, being angry, judging others and basically causing out and out chaos that is their domain.

I mean they stop, literally, their efforts in certain areas.

Do you know the saying, “Fake it until you make it”?

Well, the narcissist’s entire life is “faking it” and sometimes, narcissists eventually reach the point in which they no longer hold that standard of faking it.

The narcissist for all intents and purposes is simply “done”.

No one knows why this sudden turn of events. Normally the narcissist is very, very motivated to keep up a good facade with no substance. But, at some point I guess, the narcissist feels even putting up a facade is simply too much effort.

And not only that, the narcissist views him or herself SO superior to everyone that he or she of course should not even be required to fake it anymore.

The energy for maintaining the narcissist’s superior image then will no longer be upon them to maintain the facade. The image-making falls to all of us, who despite the narcissist quitting and no longer trying, are supposed to act as if the narcissist is still wonderful and fully-engaged.

Basically the facade-making is put upon all bystanders.

If someone were to point out that it seems the narcissist has quit and the facade is in a bit of disarray and needs a touch-up, he or she will be confronted with the narcissist’s rage. How dare anyone, anyone! point out the shortcomings of the narcissist.

We are all told to simply play along.

This post was inspired by the favorite narcissist in my life- the mother of my stepchildren. My stepson requires much, much help to get through school. His mother, though, it seems has just decided to stop. We had a parent-teacher conference a month or so ago, and well, I guess his Mom is simply too tired to keep up the facade anymore that she is an engaged, proactive parent.

Really, it is mid-November after all, and she has been trying for months now. Mommy needs a break and we all just need to understand that.

To my favorite narcissist – I simply say this- I see you and I see all that you do (or don’t do). And I see how you just quit on your son. And that, in my world, dear narcissist, no matter how much complaining and rearranging of facts you attempt, will never do.


15 thoughts on “When the Narcissist Puts all the Expectation on You

  1. Yes! My favorite is when she plans something that is (in her words) “soooo important” to my stepdaughter and she’s “never been more excited” then she doesn’t follow through, doesn’t complete the plans and never mentions it again. It seems ike just talking about what she’s GOING to do for her daughter (on social media) is enough for her. She doesn’t want to actually make the effort do it. Funny thing is, she will give herself credit for aaalllll the things she’s done for her child (most of them are things she thought of, spoke of, but never actually did!)

  2. LOL, at this point, I give you kudos for not offing her in her sleep! I’m not even kidding! I just can’t comprehend a mom responding like that – but I’m over here with a to-do list a full page long that includes getting my son pageant ready! How do you quit on that? How do you not follow through so that your kids do well in school, have fun and be amazing? I just don’t even have the ability to comprehend that! πŸ™‚
    Have a great day!

    • Thanks for much for understanding Kate!! I so relate to what you say- how do you quit on a kid??? You only have them with you in the house for such a short time, you should give your all to help them succeed.

      The things she stopped doing are so basic- signing his daily behavior sheet and filling out a reading log- yet she just stopped.

      And of course, you know what that means- as she stops, so does he 😦

  3. My immediate reaction to your painting was, Oh my, Saturn’s rings have gone askew. πŸ™‚ Then I found myself a bit uncomfortable with an ‘Orwellian-like’ eye staring at me. Then I read your words and was saddened. Any type of abandonment affects me, especially when the alternative can be so promising… never mind obligatory.

  4. Eeww, I’ve seen that bugged out CRAZY eye, and it’s not good. I am saddened to hear this for the sake of the boy. No child wants to feel not good enough by their parent, my son is experiencing the same thing, in a different arena. All the focus is on my daughter, she is willing to go live with daddy, because she can be purchased by material objects, my son not so much. He rather stay with me, he knows better my time is worth more than things he told me. Really he’s 11? Makes me wonder what really goes on at his daddy’s house? It really breaks my heart for these children. 😐

  5. It’s true, sometimes they get tired of playing the role and let go. It is a wonderful think unless you are one of the people who want to continue your role their “supplier” and fight the discard. They get “bored” and vacate the role, watch they will even look physically different after they drop a mask.

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