Narcissists at the Buffet

Where are you Hiding?

Where are you Hiding?


One thing you must remember when dealing with a narcissist is that to a narcissist all options, in regards to their own behaviors, are always on the table- always.

We can get caught off guard when we assume we have parsed and parceled a narcissist’s behavior options to a select few responses.

We can begin to think the narcissist will always act controlling and like a tyrant, then lo and behold, they show patience and a willingness to work with others.

Or we begin to notice they are at the very least “trying” to work with us and then, Wham! they demonstrate a ruthlessness that has our heads whiplashing and teeth rattling in regards to its severity.

This is the destabilization process of interacting with a narcissist.

We do not realize that to move efficiently through life and to have suitable interpersonal relationships, we are constantly anticipating and predicting the responses of others.

What we overlook in a narcissist, however, is that they never, ever limit their behavior options.

A narcissist stands before a buffet of options in regards to behavior choices with every engagement and interaction.

They do not allow prior behaviors, social acceptability, your needs or anyone’s needs to modify or limit their choices in any way.

Sometimes the best you can do with a narcissist is to spend less time predicting their buffet choices and more time keeping yourself centered. Narcissists always count on you leaning too far one way or another in anticipation of their needs, in a sense, putting your own balance in peril.

Don’t overreach with a narcissist. Don’t always anticipate (because truly no one knows what a narcissist will do next, and that includes the narcissist him- or herself).

Keep your own self centered. Let the narcissist wander up to the buffet of life and make his or her choice. And trust in your heart and in your own strength that you will respond to the narcissist appropriately.

If the response requires yelling and boundary-setting, you will do it. If the response requires neutral acceptance, then you will do that. If the response requires action, you will act. If the response requires walking away, you will walk.

You will begin to show the narcissist that you, too, are working with a whole buffet of behavior options and responses. And that sense of choice, something the narcissist has always tried to take from you, is yours to use.

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9 thoughts on “Narcissists at the Buffet

  1. Fabulous post. It’s very empowering to be reminded that one has a whole “buffet of behaviour options and responses”. Great advice…”don’t overreach and don’t always anticipate”…both things have can cause so much needless waste of energy.

  2. Wow a very powerful read and so true. Having had a narcissist causing problems for many of us for 2 years I have realised yesterday (and blogged “The truth and my final word” that nothing anyone says will make a narcissist realise that THEY are what they write about; what they accuse others of and so I made the decision I have given her too much mindspace so have done with her. It is like talking to a brick wall and I had no idea until the past 2 years what a narcissist is. Very well written blog and I shall re-blog it.

    • I know exactly what you mean! I have wasted way too much time giving mental attention to the actions of narcissists. and you come to finally realize that there many, many better uses of your time and energy 🙂

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