The View of the Narcissist

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Free Advice

Dear Narcissist,

I am sick of you and your conniving, scheming ways.

I am sick of your “elastic” view of time. Things that happened years ago, you throw in my face as if I had done the act minutes ago.

“Never forgive and always retain” has always been your motto for the “failures” of others.

Your transgressions, of course, are never remembered, because in your mind, there is always, always a reason of why you said and acted as you did. Thus, you have never once transgressed another.

I am tired of your meandering, exploitative comments and conversations.

Oh, God, if I had penny for every minute I had to listen to your convoluted stories of your “suffering” in regards to any number of persons, places, things, and objects which have wronged you.

I am equally sick of your ridiculous, self-serving, condescending words and gestures that “explain” your behaviors.

We have a word for these delusionally-crafted, whimsical tales- and the word is “lies”.

I am beyond sick and tired of not only the lies but your subsequent belief that I should (of course) completely believe all of these lies despite mounds of evidence to the contrary. And then labeling me as “stupid” when I “fail to get it.”

Oh, dear Narcissist, I get it. I truly do. And that is something that gets under your skin at the most visceral level-

I see you, I truly do.

And this, dear narcissist, is where we stand.

I know you.

And you in your narcissistic, conniving, encapsulating ways are doing everything you can to have me put my blinders on again.

Blinded once, but now I see.

What are you going to do, dear narcissist, what are you going to do to change my vision of you?

And here we come to the point of your consuming rage- something that you likely learned about yourself so long ago in the contemplative pit of darkness that you call home-

there truly is no changing you, dear narcissist.

And that is why you will move heaven and earth with rage and fear to change those in your sphere.

Where many of us work with hope and optimism, as we should, trusting in our potential to change for the better- you are stuck with you, and that, dear narcissist, must be the thought that makes you most sick and tired.

You are you, and there you are.

What fear must come upon you when you realize it will be only you who can not take a step forward beyond your current state?

Growth and change, so unavailable to you, has you tilting at windmills trying to change those around you – because they have the gift – the one you know that will never be yours- the sacred belief and expression in the ability to change.

While you, my dear narcissist, will remain exactly where you first claimed, with eyes blinded to change.

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13 thoughts on “The View of the Narcissist

  1. It is always someone else’s fault, but you are right, at the core, they know that you are a better person because you can grow and change, and they can’t. You can move and find your contentment, and that is something she will never, ever find. Because she can’t move from her current state, she’ll never find happiness, joy, contentment or peace. And if she can’t have those things, then by God, no one else can either!

    • Thanks, Kate. Our potential to grow and to believe in that potential is one of our greatest gifts and strengths. For those who lack such belief, life is very difficult.

      By the way, I continue to think about your “dream ending” posting. I have really taken such strength from that one 🙂

      • It’s so kind of you to let me know and I’m so very glad that you can take strength from it! It was weird, but the moment I accepted that the dream was ending, I had such peace! I think that we are so programmed to work and work and work at finding and following your dreams, but no one ever tells us what to do when our dreams have to die – when they have done their part – anyway, don’t get me started again! But, I’m glad that you’ve found strength, and that I could help.

        And, every day since then I’ve thought about, and keep getting more excited about the possibilities that exist out there that I can grasp now that I’m not busy holding onto the old!

  2. Awesome post. They never want to change because everything is always someone else’s fault. My posting today was about being told “it’s your fault.” How many times are we blamed for things. These narcissists do not think they need to change.

  3. This post is so spot-on! As survivors of Narcissistic abuse, we DO ‘grow and change’….and them? Stuck in their spinning hell of vile and evil. Love this post Kim!! ❤

  4. Hi Kim. I finally got through to a man that he is suffering needless torment of trying to get along with his former wife, a narcissist. He’d been hopelessly engaging with her at arguing and finding himself at odds with himself over this and that of what had been said and the intensity of the contact. I led him to do his own investigations and discover for himself the hopelessness of her sickness. I mention this because most of what I know about the suffering and hopelessness of encounters with a narcissist comes from yours and a few other blogs here at wordpress. TY for sharing your stories. I do think that you are providing a tremendous assistance,
    ~ Eric

    • Wow, Eric. Thank you for this comment. You probably underestimate how much it means to me. I hope your friend will find his way. Dealing with narcissists is incredibly challenging. Thanks for reaching through the “cyber-distance” to let me know my blogs have helped.

  5. Your posts are always helpful. I just wish these kind of people could change. But I’ve found out the hard way that it isn’t possible, no matter how hard one tries.

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