Why Narcissists must be so “Special”

The Queen's Conundrum

The Queen’s Conundrum

Narcissists must always be considered “so special” for one simple reason- they really, really suck at being “normal”.

I realize our definitions of “normal” all vary.

However, when you look at narcissists and how they “try” to interact with the world, you realize they are pretty far left of center on the bell-shaped curve of the behaviors, emotions, and responses many people, who are maturing, evolving, and growing, are working towards.

I wonder sometimes, if after failing so abysmally at the life and interactions we all so enjoy and freely and openly participate in, the narcissist in some type of default mechanism doesn’t just begin to declare that “normal” is “wrong” and begin to self-define as “special”, i.e.- apart from “normal”.

Basically, in a reverse of “If you can’t beat them, then join them.”, the narcissist decides, “If you can’t join them, then act superior to them.”

Because in so many ways, the narcissist can not join “normal”. They simply do not have the skill set to do so.

When I observe narcissists and see how they “try” to act normal, you can see, painfully, it is all an act. At some point, I think the narcissist just gives up trying. They have no authentic way to engage with “normal” so they are left creating their delusional worlds, where only they live.

The say no man is an island. I would say that is true, unless the man lives with the mind of a narcissist.


6 thoughts on “Why Narcissists must be so “Special”

  1. This is so true, Kim. It is almost painful to watch, and I would have (and did have) great empathy for them…but darn it, they can be so mean and abusive! I chose to cast the pearls somewhere else💜

  2. Reading this made me feel better but also worse at the same time, as I have experienced this exact thing with narcissist. I noticed they could act normal for a few days, perhaps at best about 2 weeks, but then they would revert back to all their normal superior/controlling ways. I wish there was a way to change a narcissist for the better. This particular one claimed she knew she needed help and would get it, but as soon as I brought up the topic they just became angry and said they could figure it out by themselves. I see such a powerful bond to views on this. Thanks again for sharing!

    • I know what you mean about such works making you feel better and worse as the same time. i keep thinking about your poem of a narcissist playing chess, thinking this is a wonderful activity to “share” for the simple reason each of their moves must be watched.
      I wish we could change them for the better as well. We see so much that we like, but the core to hold it all together in sincerity simply is not there.

      • Yes, a very strong explanation. That makes so much sense. You’re right. There just isn’t the “core” there, and without the core everything is just hollow. I love your insight!

  3. I guess there is no cure for this “sort of behaviour” – it is sentence for life for them and for anyone connected to them, sadly.. I really wish I had someone to talk to about my daughter and her abusive behaviour as I do not like to comment on line for all to see.. thanks again. Eve

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