Narcissists are all about control- especially when it comes to their image.
Great works of art and literature have received less time and energy in their creation than a narcissist’s self image when a narcissist is in full-on “image control” mode.
One way narcissists “work on” their image is not by doing something tangible and real in the world that would add a positive aspect. They tend to think such ideas are ridiculous and fruitless, because they are already perfect, wonderful, delightful, smart, kind, aware, compassionate- seriously, what more could they possibly have to do?
We should ALL know this about them, right?
And because narcissists live in such a self-created, delusional world- it tends to take a toll on them. To lie, constantly, is EXHAUSTING. Yet, this is a narcissist’s life.
As they have no real energy with which to create, other than the creation of lies, narcissists have no ability to contribute in a real and substantial manner in the lives of others. We all know this.
WE ALL KNOW THIS.
And it scares the f*** out of the narcissist. So, being narcissistic with a head filled with grandeur, the narcissist’s approach is not to change his or her behavior and try to participate in life in a real and practical manner. Oh, no. That would be too easy and make too much sense. (Those of you who engage with a narcissist know that “easy” is not a descriptor for this group.)
Instead narcissist’s spend time and energy in what I refer to as “Air Traffic Control” mode. In order to protect their image and hide their ridiculous, self-serving behaviors (rather than addressing these behaviors) the narcissist, with a sense of dedication and energy that would rival the FAA, begin to “coordinate”(read, control) the engagement patterns of those in their lives.
Narcissists will begin to regulate who is allowed to talk to one another. They will control who can land (engage with one another) where and when such landings can take place. They will divert flights (potential engagements) when they don’t want people to interact. They will ground flights and declare “NO Contact” with certain parties. They will place flights (conversations) in holding patterns – for eternity- continuing conversation cycles into ridiculous, never-ending patterns.
I experienced this recently. A particular mother called me this past weekend to speak about a situation she had encountered with my husband’s ex-wife. In a sense, she was just one mom reaching out to another (or in my case, one mom reaching out to the stepmom). I had known this woman for some time in passing, but this was one of our first real conversations.
We had a great talk. Then, later this week, another situation came about, and I had to call this woman, again, just one stepmom to a mom. Not a big deal.
That is- until my husband’s ex-wife, the narcissist, went into “Air Traffic Controller” mode. She, literally, called up my husband, and said, “What is Kim doing calling this other Mom?!”
Oh, you, silly, silly narcissist. You are so clueless and detached, you don’t even see others running flight pattern circles all around you, working around your ridiculous scenarios and lies, as we truly try to engage in life with sincerity, compassion and insight.
How dare I call this other Mom? Well, the joke is on you, dear narcissist. This other mother had called me first- all because of you. Did you not notice us circling about on your “flight control screen”, or were you too busy living in your fantasy world?