I was sent a coffee mug recently by my wonderful sister. The mug was in the shape of a red fox- one of my favorite totems. Then an actual red fox appeared a morning later, standing on the sidewalk, glancing into our windows, wary of our dog (who I am sad to say, I don’ think even noticed the fox).
In some cultures, the fox symbolizes the “trickster”. It can also symbolize cunning, change, and an awareness of doing things in a new way.
Then, came my art, various pastels laid down, and I saw this “fox” shape emerge, with a person either riding this giant fox or conjuring up the fox energy herself.
Who is in charge here?- the picture asks me.
I want to be “in charge”, yet, things are taking on a momentum and rhythm that are unfamiliar to me.
As many of you know, I am giving a talk next week. The ripples seem to be expanding outwards, while I try to contain it. Someone has already wanted to book me to do this talk in January at a another venue.
The attention is good in some ways, yet, I am realizing what this talk takes out of me. The talk is on the Power of a Woman’s Body, based off some thesis work I had done. It is one thing to talk to relative strangers about work based on a thesis, and quite another to be speaking in front of colleagues, people from the local community and so on.
I am not sure if I had thought ahead enough to imagine what it would be like to discuss the clitoris and what it represents symbolically to me to a group of my co-workers.
The word “awkward” come to mind. Yet, there must be something in this talk that somehow resonates with people. It has a life of its own, and perhaps I am only to be the messenger.
Even my normal prep “style” has been disrupted. When I was asked to give the keynote address at my graduation, my preparation involved crafting the talk and then asking my husband every day for the 88 days leading up to the talk “DO you think my talk will go well?”.
Considering this talk is much longer, with much less prep time (I have only had time to compulsively ask him if he thinks it would go well about 5 times) I feel my normal “must control all aspects” is lacking.
So, I went back to my art work, and asked my art to show my something about this talk that I would need. And the image below appeared.
I am the image in the back, being sheltered by the large Angel.
We never know how our journey will unfold, and we may resist the awakening contained, but somehow we must find ourselves to trust that we are not being left alone.
I guess I am realizing I can do this talk, but perhaps, as a new way of thinking (fox) I need to come to the awareness that I am not doing this on my own.
As I wrote this, I realize this is a great deal about my personal situation. Although the details may differ, I hope it also resonates with some of you as your own journeys unfold- sometimes in ways you can anticipate and sometimes in ways that surprise you- regardless, may you never envision yourself alone.