Why do We see the Dark Side rather than the Love?

Woman

Woman

I had gone to my pastel papers with thought.

I wanted to capture what it felt like to be a stepmom in a dynamic in which the mother shows narcissistic tendencies.

I imagined myself as “Chicken Little, Narcissist Whisperer” and I wanted the paper to back this image.

“Chicken Little” speaks to my “sky is falling” approach sometimes in regards to the children- trying to warn others that this dynamic is not healthy for them. Some times I have been listened to. Some times I have been ignored.

“Narcissist Whisperer” because I have tried, in completely ineffective ways I might add, to get the children’s mother to engage with them in a more effective manner. Is this my role to fulfill? No. But that has not stopped me.

I approached paper and distributed the pastel pigments about, anticipating the form that would emerge to express this chaotic energy.

The moving around of pigments and waiting for a form to appear has been one of my more challenging artistic projects. You have to wait and wait ( I am being dramatic here. I am a Type A person. I get impatient waiting for automatic doors to open).

A light touch must be used as the conversation goes back and forth between eye and material, seeing what the material will give up. There is a spiritual quality to it, as if the form carries a message somehow that needs to be heard.

The colors swirled and I hoped for chaos. I wanted a form which fit my burdensome view of being “Chicken Little, Narcissist Whisperer”. C’mon, I was thinking to the paper, let’s show the world how difficult this has been!

And then a woman of quiet repose and strength showed herself. From her head area, a fountain of color appears.

And this is how my Spirit showed me as stepmother. I am not “Chicken Little, Narcissist Whisperer” running around in chaos.

I am a woman of quite strength, who has tried to look beyond it all to see the hope and growth of these children. I have turned the other cheek (note her pose to the side), while visions of light have poured from my head.

The light is my ideas, my approaches, my strategies employed to cope with this situation and help these children (and to an extent my hope for their Mother that she may eventually heal). I have read books, prayed, been proactive- all of this has poured out of me again and again.

And this is how my artistic Spirit viewed me- a beautiful woman of strength who has tried to share some light.

My Spirit did not bend to my silly, self-deprecating idea of being “Chicken Little, Narcissist Whisperer”. It saw through that old, helpless defense of let me make fun of myself and put myself down so you do not need to.

What is above us will not lower itself to us. It is we who must raise ourselves up.

Why do we see the dark rather than the Love? Why would I view myself in such a poor light, when, as my art shows, the sense of love as a stepparent has shown through for so long?

The art is a calling to me, and perhaps you, to not settle for a view which keeps you down. Your Spirit will not lower itself to such contrivances.

We win nothing when we place our own hand upon head to push ourselves down.

Spirit is only seeking resonance from your own view of Love – that you, too, would see yourself with such vision.

For when you see yourself and your Light, Spirit finally sees itself in recognition.

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23 thoughts on “Why do We see the Dark Side rather than the Love?

  1. That is really lovely and so true! They say we are our own worst critics and that sure seems to be the case, more often than not. I think the world would be a better place if people could just see themselves as they truly are. We are far more precious and valuable then we realize.

  2. Oh Kimberly. .YES!! First of all…When one soul heals it can’t help but take others along with it! Your picture is BEAUTIFUL and all of us who have read your stories knew all along of that incredible woman with quiet strength who goes to unbelievable lengths to try to help her children!! Oh yes…we all know her…so I am so happy you met her today …and who cares why we can’t see the unmistakable beauty that resides in us…the main point is that we get there someday! Thank you for getting there today and for showing us all your beauty. You wear it well!! ❀ ❀

    • I know what you mean- when I witness someone else’s healing, I am healed as well. Thank you for saying my strength and beauty as I have tried to help raise the children to the best of my abilities have been apparent. SOmetimes I am so lost in the dynamic, I lose this sense of myself. thank you so much, Lorrie.

      • Much love to you Kimberly. I know how hard you try…and I promise you your efforts are not in vain. You are the shining light for those children….and there is no more important job in life than to be a champion for children! Have a wonderful day ❀

  3. Your step children are blessed to have you. I pray for there to be loving nurturers in my children’s lives when they are with the other parent. I can only imagine being a step parent…You have to be strongπŸ’™

  4. so beautiful, kimberly. a couple nights ago i was randomly invited to an evening of women discussing shakti (power) and ahimsa (non-violence). it struck me that so much of our personal and collective violence is the violence directed within. i can see how this has played out in my own life – feeling small or inferior or somehow fundamentally ‘wrong’, esp in comparison to others. thankfully this is transforming. πŸ™‚ your post reminds me to be gentle with myself. we are all doing the very best we can and spirit only sees us as the love that we are. thank you. ❀

    • in my yoga studio we are beginning to look at the yoga yamas, we as humans have this on-going inner tape of ‘violence’ to ourselves and others…yoga helps us to recognize this and change that tape. This post points to a change in that tape.

      • thanks for this comment! I have still been reflecting on your words about David and his pursuit of yoga and another black belt. I find such actions to be inspiring πŸ™‚

      • ‘tape’ describes it well – it plays on repeat, unquestioned because it’s been our soundtrack for years…probably passed down for generations!
        i’ve restarted my yoga practice lately. i’m looking forward to those tapes changing. πŸ™‚

    • Oh…beautiful interpretation here. How much violence do we direct towards ourselves?? and the idea of feeling “fundamentally wrong” – I can so relate to. And our Spirit does not recognize any thing within us but our light

  5. I’m glad to read that you can now see yourself as I’ve seen you since day one: strong, capable, loving, sharing your light so generously.
    I got a chuckle from ‘I am a Type A person. I get impatient waiting for automatic doors to open).’ I can picture it! πŸ™‚

  6. Your process and insight deeply resonate with me. I have walked a similar path. It is a challenging one! A virtuous woman. . . her (step)children shall rise up and call her blessed.

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