When it Becomes Painful to Write

I have, as of late, experienced some chronic pain. Pain can be such a nebulous thing to nail down, despite our tendency to make it linear (“On a scale of 1 t 10, how would you rate your pain if 10 is the highest?”)

All pain has a way of taking a parasitic attachment to our comings and goings.

Ever the hearty traveler, once pain has placed its hooks in you, it requires quite a bit of work for detachment.

Pain, physical and/or emotional, can also be quite the reflective surface in our lives. Any hurt pushes awareness to the forefront of our consciousness. We see things through a different prism when we are in pain.

The prism isn’t any more “right” or “wrong” than any other view. It’s just different.

This particular pain has shown me where I am blocked in life. My modus operandi through life has been this-Let me attack myself, and I will feel the pain, so you don’t have to feel anything at all.

This has led at various times to compulsive exercise, compulsive not eating, compulsive sex, compulsive anything – so I could “manage” this pain that was never quite mine in the first place.

So what does this have to do with writing? I am not in such significant pain that I can not write.

The issue has been rather, “What should I write and when?” For you see, many thoughts and ideas have swirled about but they have always been a bit out of reach. I could write about that…or not…I may finish that one piece…or not…

This is not necessarily complete writer’s block, but somehow the flow is off. The stream which used to be languid and smooth is altered, corrupted.

And, I realized (because, yes, blogging is where I compulsively share my 1,001 “realizations” per day. Seriously, could I use the word “realized” any more than I already do? πŸ™‚ ) that the pain and the lack of the writing both reflected the same thing-

an unwillingness to address what is present in my life.

I don’t believe artists or writers truly run out of ideas for long. If there is difficulty coming up with ideas or bringing the ideas to fruition in some form whether it’s missed deadlines, incomplete works left hanging, rough starts and even more abrupt stops – it is the creative version of a pain signal.

Something, somewhere is not “right”. And the what is “not right” is NOT the problem. (We never truly know what is “right” and “not right”. ) The problem is that we are denying it.

Too often when we write or produce creative acts, we have expectations. 90% of the time, our inner artist is happy to go along with any creative thoughts and the attached expectations.

But every once in awhile, I will feel my inner artist refusing to hide and lie the lie any more. The truth is always the realm of the inner artist and the inner artist does not respond to the external scale of “good art” and “bad art”.

All art derived from the truth of awareness is “good art” and is meant to be produced and shared in the eyes of the inner artist.

When we turn away from this truth, our inner artist turns away from us.

I am not saying you have to drag out every tidbit of ugliness that has transpired in your life out into the public forum for your inner artist to be satisfied.

What I am trying to say is that if/when writing or art becomes a creative pain in the a**, be aware enough to ask yourself what you may be trying to keep hidden.

Maybe the “writer’s block” says more than we think. Maybe is the writer who is blocking something from evolving into expression.

If you ever find yourself “blocked” creatively- “What story am I holding, what story am I placing a lid on that wants to get out?”

The inner artist can “wow” each and every one of us with its brilliant displays of innovation but what it asks for in return is for the venue of expression.

Pain holds us. And we in turn create pain by our holding on to things that long for release. Let it go. Let it move in to the world as it should.

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29 thoughts on “When it Becomes Painful to Write

  1. An incredibly well-written and well-thought out piece. I love what you say about writer’s block. I believe it to be true what you’re saying. I think I really resonated with your points because I have thought them before but didn’t know how to put it into words. Again, fantastic work. I love this: “Maybe the β€œwriter’s block” says more than we think. Maybe is the writer who is blocking something from evolving into expression.” And I like how you crossed over between writing and pain and psychology. Excellent!

  2. I still have trouble calling myself a writer even though I write here all the time…but when I head right to the source of the pain and really go after it….people seem to respond. And I feel better. That may be the best thing-I just feel better.

    • yes! I so know what you mean- when we simply go to that source, it is such an authentic act, that people naturally respond.
      And, we also gain the benefit of “feeling better”. what a gift writing is.

  3. Two thoughts, Kim… 1) Re: pain, I’ve learned to comfortably co-exist with it, across several fronts. It’s neither acceptance nor denial. It’s simply acknowledging and allowing without masking and; 2) When I “block” or hold back, it’s usually because I feel the urge to express/share strongly held opinions — at least with my blog. As I have consciously chosen to not post about my opinions (though they sometimes bleed through) πŸ™‚ , I experience some of what you are describing. And then I move on. πŸ™‚

  4. Hey Kimberly. ..brilliant post with great connections between pain and what is trying to get out. I’ve been there…and I’ve done that…and I’m doing it now. Thanks for giving me the insight I need to look deeper. Feel better…love to you ❀

  5. Sending positive energy…love…and light your way<3 Sometimes it is that I get so excited about the positive feeling that comes from letting go of the pain, that I get tired and just need to take a break, maybe read some funny memes, and breathe. Whatever it is that is trying to be exposed…will find a way…maybe a painting with no explanation. I had a few of those times, they resulted in very choppy, random thoughts with very poor structure and punctuation…but they got out. Now that they are written, I haven't been able to even read them myself! Much more work to do…(((hugs)))

  6. This has arrived, once again, at precisely the right moment, Kimberly, and I can totally identify with it, having resumed the mantle of pain myself. I am keeping the lid on things which need to be said. Hugs to you in your situation. xxx

  7. Wow Kim, what a powerful post. I absolutely love witnessing you go deeper in your work. I have long believed that witnessing the creative transformation and soulwork of another is a rare honor and privilege – it is truly sacred witnessing you here.
    Blessings as you navigate the pain and find its gold,
    Amanda

    • I feel the same as you about witnessing the unfolding awareness in another- it is both a privilege and a touchstone to our own awakening. I am honored you would view my journey as such.
      you are such a blessing to this world.

  8. What a powerful sharing Kim. For me, pain stops my ability to connect with my inner Self – whether it is the artist, the soul, the Divine … I just know that I lose that connection and am back in the world of ego, fear and misery!
    I see it as an energetic block and Interference in the life force.
    Acknowledge the pain rather than resisting it and wishing it weren’t there. It is there for a reason …. that we may never have insight into.
    Be with it and come into the present moment with your breath. Simply be with your self and allow the energy to move through you.
    I find yoga works for me. Explore what works for you in accepting each moment as it is.
    Hugs and empathy to you ❀
    Val x

    • Such wise words, Val. To acknowledge the pain rather than resisting it provides a means to a different understanding and awareness. “…in accepting each moment as it is.” —so well said.

  9. You have really touched a deep down for everyone with this post. We all have things we deny about what is really our truth. I too have stuffed things down until they caused some major physical issues. It’s hard and tiring. Some days I can handle it and some days, I just rest. I have learned to listen and acknowledge my feelings so they won’t get stuffed down anymore. Thank you Kim for putting into words what we all feel. May us all feel a release of pain.

    • thank you so much for the re-blog. Oh, I am going to remember your words. Rather than stuffing the feeling down until I become exhausted by the effort, I am going to rest. I have noticed resting really helps the pain- no longer carrying the burden for a bit πŸ™‚

      • Rest is good. Actually today I’d like to be in a coma and escape for a bit. I’m sure you can relate. Just sharing with someone helps. May you be so blessed by something today!!

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