I have been traveling for a bit and returned home last evening.
I seldom travel without my husband and I realized why last evening.
Most people scare me- a lot.
I am one of these who never feels relaxed around others. I feel like most everyone else has a playbook, or at least a well-written pamphlet, on how to engage seamlessly with energy, humor and grace in social interactions.
While this occurs, I stand for the most part silently calculating in my head the number of hours/minutes I must engage and converting such numbers to fractions and percentages because I find math soothing.
During my travels, we began to speak about the best trips we have taken and where we would like to go and so on. I blurted out, “My favorite places are where I go with my husband. He is the only one I really feel comfortable around.”
I thought in that moment how often I reach for my husband in social situations. How I grab onto his hand or arm to feel his solidity and his peace in talking with others. THere is a reason he is in customer service and I am not. (Well, there are several reasons, the fact he is so good with people is one of the primary ones. I have instead been told throughout my life that I should not work with the general public. I would have to agree.)
Some days I do not know if I truly understand marriage and why our society and culture holds this institution in such esteem.
But then I look at my husband and what he means to me and the connection/commitment that marriage both requires and fosters and I come to the realization that, as with many things in life, that there is magic in this institution.
It is not a simple as two people coming together to share a life. There is alchemy in this union. And like all great alchemical processes, the sum ends up being so much greater than the parts.
SO, there is my husband, holder of my heart and so much more.
It feels good to be back in his arms.