What happens when your fear is true?

It’s so strange what emerges for us in the midst of life.

Sometimes we spend a tremendous amount of time “hiding”, “denying”, “covering” and “hoping” something we fear is not true, only later to learn that our fear was, in fact, not unfounded.

We may fear a spouse is having an affair and then learn it is true.
We may worry about our job in downsizing and then later lose it.
We may fear we have an addictive personality and only to hit bottom at some point and realize “Yep, that was a sure sign of addiction.”
We may fear a body health issue or injury, playing out different scenarios in our minds ad infinitum while wasting hours on internet “medical research”, only to get the diagnosis or medical report that “Yep, in fact our instincts were right.”
We may worry our family is not functioning as it should be. And there are plenty of signs that it is not.
We may fear we are not the person, spouse, employee that we present to the world and our greatest fear is being discovered that we are not.

When we deny, hide, and cover a fear that is real, we keep it (with a LOT of energy) out in the atmosphere, away from us. This is our innate response to a fear.

We build walls of denial, we push it out into the stratosphere- far, far away from where we think it can damage us.

But what happens when the fear pushes through the walls and lands from the stratosphere upon our front porch?

It takes a tremendous amount of energy to live in denial and keep our fears at bay. When they finally come home to roost, the energy of denial is transformed.

I am learning that this is the point, when it all feels as if it is crashing through the door, that we in fact gain some of our power back.

What was only a nebulous idea in our minds, suddenly has symbolic weight and matter when it lands in our living room.

And this is where our power engages (after the tears). Rather than some distant, amorphous idea of a fear, that we are trying to keep at bay with an inordinate amount of energy, we finally have something real and tangible to which to put our energy.

I am not saying it is pleasant when our fears are revealed as truths. In fact, I would not wish this on anyone. However, most of us have lived long enough to have experienced this.

When the moment of truth arrives and a fearful thought reveals its substance, we are given the opportunity to finally work on something real that can transform us.

Where we once lived in denial, we can now see what is real. It may not be pretty (most likely it will be pretty ugly), but when we get real, we get our power.


19 thoughts on “What happens when your fear is true?

  1. Facing fears…such a painful thing to do, but needed in order to move on and be free. The hardest fear to face was for the safety of my children…I was able to do this in therapy…to process a “worst case scenerio” and change the ending in my mind. That was incredibly difficult and painful…yet empowering and comforting. True, some of my fears for them are with good reason, but nevertheless, I have no control over my abuser’s actions toward the kids. Very thought provoking!

  2. We read a lot on blogs that negative thoughts are always invalid or almost always unfounded, when in fact it is simply not true. When we think like that we end up in denial and talking ourselves out of the truth. No matter how painful it is, the truth is always freeing. Great post.

  3. I have had some very “fearful” times in my life. Those experiences were catalysts for regaining my power. If your worse fear shows up at your door you have 2 options, go trough it or keep trying to ignore them. My latest was being diagnosed & treated for cancer. I even went through a stem cell transplant. I knew my only option was to remain positive and learn from the situation. Through that lens, I was able to find the strength to become more authentic. Our life guides us on a path toward who we truly are. Pain comes from trying to be something else.

  4. Hmmm, I can see a fine line here. Part of me wonders about fears becoming real through the law of attraction – ‘what you think about, comes about.’ On the other side, there is discernment where a threat is real. Some things come to you as learning opportunities, but still I believe even our lessons are things we attract. I try to look at things that are less savory as just that.
    I attempt to recognize fear when I feel it and ask myself if it is realistic and many times when I look at the larger view and trust the Universe to bring me only the best, the fear disappears.

    • Very good point here and it is a fine line. In some ways, I do think we have been taught to ignore and deny rather than embrace. I like what you say about recognizing the fear and trusting on the larger level.

  5. Our fears and the way we deal with them have a lot to do with our background, what relationships were like for us growing up. Because of this, I would never say that fears are unfounded. But they can be irrational.

    Are we talking purely of fear here or are we also talking about doubt or lack of trust? In my experience it is doubt, bred from similar circumstances in past relationships that bring about lack of trust and consequently turns into fear. It’s not as simple as thinking… I’m afraid this might happen… We need to go beyond that and ask ourselves, why do I think this might happen. We need to explore our fear in order to, not embrace it necessarily, but understand it.

  6. gerat article. I believe that real troubles mobilize all our powers to fight and defend and cure ourselves. I also experienced that when I have a fear, I protect myself not by denying it, but by making myself aware of it, something like sending it from subconscious to conscious level, where it loses its power of creating itself into real event. This may sound counfusing, but… it works for me.

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