If you watch your time with a narcissist, you see how much care-taking a narcissist requires. We have all heard the saying, “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride”. For narcissists, the saying might just be “Always the Victim, Never the Bride”.
No matter what the situation, narcissists always feel left out and victimized. I have witnessed entire family events set up around a specific theme or person, such as someone’s wedding, be completely derailed by a narcissist who did not feel “enough” special attention was being paid to him or her.
It does not matter to the narcissist who the day is “supposed” to be about. The narcissist may, technically, be a superficial figure in the event. It does not matter to the narcissist that technically he or she is not the bride or groom at the wedding. In a narcissist’s mind, the event should still, somehow, significantly include him or her. If it does not, hell will be paid.
Narcissists are excellent at manipulating not just individuals, but entire groups! I have seen entire groups of adults worry and stress throughout an entire event, knowing that at some time, some moment, the narcissist in their midst was going to lose it. Some groups and families even assign someone to monitor the narcissist in the hopes that this person, with complete focus on the narcissist, will be able to anticipate and circumvent an narcissistic melt-down. You have to admire the pluck and “go get-em” attitude this displays.
Usually, though, it is irrelevant what safety precautions are already been in place to prevent the narcissistic melt-down. If you have been around narcissists enough, you know the narcissist will eventually rear his or her ugly head, creating a mess of everything and placing all the attention on him or her.
Does this satisfy a narcissist, though? Oh, hell no. I have seen narcissists in such a rage-ful, vindictive mood that they have literally ruined week-long “vacations” by their behavior. As all eyes are turn on them, are these narcissists now happy and fulfilled? Again, oh, hell no.
They are still angry, hurt, vengeful, playing the sympathy card, wanting everyone to see them as the “victim” of circumstances while they do everything possible to be the “bride” of everything- getting front and center attention.
But, that is the paradox of the narcissist for you- always the victim, never the bride- while they demand a level of time and attention that would put most brides to shame.
I think there is some TV show called “Bridezillas” or something like that. Let me tell you, no matter how bad these brides may get, they have nothing on a narcissist suffering from a perceived lack on attention.