If you deal with a narcissist in your life, you must also remember that one of the primary moves of a Narcissist is to sever your instincts and cut you to the core. By doing this, you will be even more confused when dealing with the Narcissist, and the Narcissist can then turn your uncertainty and “craziness” against you!
In your “normal” relationships, you have been trained to behave and respond in a certain way. Whether you are consciously aware of it or not, you also operate under a certain set of expectations of how others will relate and respond to you. Relationships have a certain give and take that we have, for the most part,been understanding and responding to throughout our lives, beginning in early childhood. Another way of saying this is that years and years and years of training have happened.
Well, if you are dealing with a Narcissist, you can throw all of that out the window. Completely. Every relationship skill and instinct you have developed in order to make your relationships successful and fulfilling needs to be forgotten when dealing with a Narcissist.
Let’s say you have a disagreement with a non- Narcissist friend. What is your first instinct? Well, to talk to the friend and discuss what happened. YOu know relationships are built on communication and although you may not end up agreeing, you can still work towards understanding one another. Not so with a Narcissist.
Here are the things you can NOT do with a Narcissist:
Communicate, Compromise, Be Heard, Be Understood, Seek Resolution, Discuss a Logical Sequence of Events, Seek Support, Have a Different Opinion, Express Your Opinion, Agree to Disagree, Move on, Move Past, Let it go, Find a Sense of Union with Another.
All the things that you do in a “normal” relationship, every instinct you have developed for relational success must be forgotten when dealing with a Narcissist. Always remember, such things as compromise, union, hearing the opinion of another person are completely foreign to a Narcissist.
You may try to do things that have “worked” in relationships with others, but go in knowing that with a Narcissist your normal relational skills will not’ bring you expected results. Where you seek compromise, the Narcissist will see total victory. Where you seek understanding, the Narcissist seeks domination.
Not a pretty picture, but we can save ourselves a lot of pain by understanding the picture with which we are dealing.