Problem “Solving” by a Narcissist

If you have a narcissist in your life, the little scenario I am about to describe will, sadly, come as no surprise.

The scenario involves a Narcissist’s attempt, “attempt” being the key word, at “fixing” a problem.   A Narcissist will at times display some interest in solving your problems, because your problems end up taking away time and attention from the real issue- the suffering and drama of the Narcissist!

Your issues need to wrapped up in a neat and tidy way, so the real work and effort can be directed towards the most important and pressing concerns- the Narcissist’s unhappiness (because Narcissists are ALWAYS unhappy- and someone, somewhere is responsible for this!)

In the current situation, a Narcissist was presented with rather clear details of a problem that someone in her life was suffering. This problem had been occurring for years, and was, in fact, seeming to get worse.  The sufferer in this situation was a child, and the child was seeking help.

The Narcissist stepped forward to provide “help” in a way that only a true Narcissist can- by denying there was any problem in the first place.  The Narcissist’s response was a simple, “You are fine.  I have fixed it.”  Huh?  What exactly is “fine” for a child who has been suffering for years?  What exactly does “fix it” mean in relation to a problem that actually seems to be getting larger not smaller?


No, need to worry your pretty head about it. The Narcissist has spoken and all was well.

Can you imagine the Narcissist’s response had this treatment been turned on her?  If she were simply told, “You are fine. Don’t worry about it.”  My gosh, the rage the Narcissist would feel would be limitless.  How dare anyone belittle any issue important to a Narcissist?  Yet, a Narcissist does this to others- ALL the time.

I am reminded of a little quote I came across in a book about Narcissism.  The author is completely correct when she describes the “problem-solving” Narcissist in the following way- “They are like the surgeon who announces, ‘The operation was a success but the patient died.’”  And, with that, the problem (if there every truly was one in the eyes of the Narcissist) is fixed and all is “fine”.

On to bigger and better things…


7 thoughts on “Problem “Solving” by a Narcissist

  1. Painfully accurate.. painfully so. So many times my N would ignore my wishes, completely do a 180 but would be doing everything for me, but really believe that he was.

  2. “Fine” was one of the most popular words in my relationship with a N. I mean…if u don’t ever feel your always going to be fine. If you absorb nothing you’ll always be fine. Not caring or having no compassion is what makes them perfect. Being in the same house with one is hilarious almost. If its broke…just buy another. We had a huge 2 car garage…she parked in the middle. I couldn’t imagine, fathom or dream of living like that. Self reflection, healthy critiquing is a must. Its fair. It a necessity. Human.

    • Awesome comment. When you have experienced living with a N, it truly is like seeing life from a completely different perspective from what we would consider the norm. For those who are loving and kind, and importantly, try to be these things, living with a N. can turn one’s life upside down. I love the example you provide- parking in the center of a 2-car garage. It so captures the energy and self-centeredness of these types…sigh…

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