If you are blessed with a Narcissist in your life, you better understand the following, because the Narcissist in your life never will.
The Narcissist’s personality IS the problem.
I think most of us are conditioned, or trained, to work towards understanding another’s point of view. We seek compromise and resolution in our relationships, and we invest in the idea that the other person cares also about us and the relationship.
If you have a Narcissist in your life, you need to throw out all of the above. To effectively deal with a Narcissist you must forget almost everything you have learned about relationships. Narcissists just aren’t that interested. In fact, they are not interested at all in relating. What they are interested in, profoundly, is directing and controlling.
You have a viewpoint you would like to express? Unless it involves supporting the Narcissist’s vision of reality, don’t bother. You want to work on communication? Save your breath, energy, and sanity. Meditate and communicate within yourself. You will have a much more engaged interaction.
With many other issues and situations in life, you can work around them and find a bridge or path that is still open. Not so with a Narcissist, because the Narcissist’s personality and way of relating is the problem! Of course, a narcissist will inform you that you have it all wrong, that you are the problem. But, pay that no heed.
Interacting with a Narcissistic personality, and trying to relate, is like rearranging furniture in an NYC studio apartment with the proverbial elephant in the room- it ain’t going to work.
I remember at one point someone I know who has narcissistic tendencies (such a nice way to put it, isn’t it?) insisted that if any one had any problems they should come to her first, so she could solve them. Which is such a great idea, except for the fact that the Narcissist, along with the Narcissist’s complete lack of awareness, are the problem!
It was a perfect example of the Narcissistic approach. They are never the problem. They are simply the Elephant in the Room, making it almost impossible for any one else to maneuver around.