“Shape” of the Stepfamily
I lie in bed-
in pain, in exhaustion
I arise for him,
but it’s not for him,
but it is…
My movement instigated by his children,
placeholders in my love for him.
He; Him; His children
A triangle I circumnavigate
Never breaking entrance
As mathematicians one attempted
to square the circle, until
pi was determined to be transcendental,
I attempt to embrace the pointed
ends, hoping to penetrate the form.
If I do penetrate, three becomes four,
and we become the square.
The square is solid, firm. I think
this brings peace and balance. Square
peg into round hole comes to mind.
Instead I become like the mathematicians of old
and find my transcendental figure-
the heart- a shape to hold all.
Being a stepparent is a constant act of trying to fit in on several layers. Sometimes I feel like an outsider to the “primary” (read, biological) family unit. I feel I circle around this group, trying to determine when the “they” becomes a “we”.
One thing my husband has struggled to understand is that so many things I do for his children are actually an act of love for him. I love him, so I want to care for those things important to him- obviously his children.
I think, at times, biological parents can lose sight of this commitment on the part of the stepparent. Do I love his kids in my own way? Sure.
But, do I really want to spend hours caring for them, running them around, listening to all the stories, etc.? On some days, yes. On other days, no.
But I do it because I love him.
Families come in all shapes and sizes. As stepparents, we are probably more aware of this than most. And like any family, for it all take shape, the heart is the most important figure of all.