Narcissism…It’s not About the Ego, Dammit!
Interaction with a narcissist can quickly become twisty-turvy. We don’t help ourselves when we confuse the issue by not understanding narcissism. Narcissism is NOT about having a big ego; narcissists are actually too empty inside to have a well-developed ego.
Another ploy that confuses us about narcissism is when we are told that we all have “narcissistic tendencies”. No! No! No! We have egos, not narcissism, and there is a DISTINCT difference. Narcissism is a pathological (my word) mental illness. If you are interacting with a narcissist right now- STOP (if possible).
You and a narcissist are NOT similar. Do not see yourself in him or her. It’s one of the tricks. We think narcissists are like us, so we try to relate. Secondarily, don’t let them off the hook by believing that everyone has little narcissism. Everyone has an Ego; some big, some small. Not everyone has a severe personality disorder like narcissism.
I only feel so strongly about this because I saw someone I love deal with a narcissist and as she was reading about narcissism, she began to feel guilty, thinking she was narcissistic. (I assure you, she is not). No one has a “little narcissism” just like we don’t have a “little” OCD, bipolar depression, or schizophrenia. We have egos, hopefully healthy and intact.
“Dissecting my Narcissist”
I read about you last night.
The book displayed you-
pool gazing again.
Studious, I was -
serious in discovering your nature.
Enthralled, I was not.
Mired, as you are in your own reflection,
you provide enough enthrall-ment for us both.
Survivability drove my perusal of the synopsis
Heroine of my own story, I believe knowledge is protection.
The text and picture displayed in that tome
morphed into something uglier than I imagined.
What was once a singular view- you and that damn pool
became a cast of characters, all reflecting.
The book claimed narcissism is within us all.
What a silly thought, thought I.
I have an Ego.
Yes, I do.
This Ego enables me to stand up to you.
But, to say “me is like you” as
this fable-book implies?
Such silly, wasted script.
I see nothing of you in my reflection.
Narcissism is NOT about ego. If it were, it would not be so horrible and black. We all know Egoic individuals- and they can be tiring and such. But this is where narcissism deviates from simple ego- narcissism takes and takes and takes and leaves nothing. Those individuals I know with big Egos also give back and sense the internal line where enough is enough. Not the narcissist. Never let anyone tell you, as a way to control you, that you have narcissistic tendencies. You have an ego- use it effectively.