A Narcissist Goes to Court
Narcissists struggle in any situation in which they have to relate to a context and people beyond their typical approach of “Me, Myself, and I”.
When confronting a narcissist at the negotiating table, you must remember to look at it from his or her perspective. It is nice you prepared your paperwork, it’s nice you have your understanding of the situation. It’s nice you have showed up and have some comments to make. All of this is only “nice”, because to a narcissist, each of these things are completely irrelevant.
Negotiating with a narcissist is best summarized by the following image:
A narcissist sitting at a negotiating table with a mirror in front of him or her. That’s it. Narcissists completely forget that others are involved in the negotiation. They see themselves in the mirror, they see their own agreement with their “outstanding” cognitive abilities, they nod in agreement and can not understand what goes wrong. They do not even see you or any other person, entity, or process associated with the negotiations.
My husband’s ex-wife is so off the rails in narcissistic delusion, she actually sent him an e-mail recently directing him to speak with HIS attorney, because she (my husband’s ex-) was confused about what my husband’s attorney was doing and she wanted an explanation from his attorney.
I so wanted to phone her and say, “Uh…my husband’s attorney is actually representing him, not you, thus negating any need for his attorney to provide you with an explanation.”
To a narcissist not only are these types of requests “reasonable”, they are so “understandable” that she actually expects my husband to follow through. That’s right… my husband will now spend his hard-earned money on attorney fees to provide his ex-wife with an explanation.
His ex-wife has further tried to “control” things by now suggesting attorneys aren’t needed. Gee whiz, we really appreciate her insightful, “legal eagle” suggestions, but we actually hired legal counsel for a very, very specific reason… Because we knew his ex-wife is a narcissistic, manipulative person who lies.
So, I am wondering given that his ex-wife seems to now feel that she is at the negotiating table with such “openness” (albeit, also a fair amount of confusion) if we should be honest as to why we hired legal counsel and inform her that we are happy to stop with the legal counsel when she is willing stop being a narcissistic bitch. Now, that is a negotiation I would be interested in.
Of course, within all of this, it goes without saying, she seldom brings up the children. it’s all about her and her attorney fees. Me, Myself and I…..
When “working” or “negotiating” with narcissists always remember: narcissists see nothing beyond themselves-no courts, no legal process, no you, no nothing.