The Odyssey of the Narcissist
For success with any narcissist you must detach- physically (if possible), and emotionally. If complete detachment is not possible, keeping your self grounded and centered is essential. Narcissists are prone to one flight of fancy after another. Every instinct which you have, that screams at you to relate to another person as you normally would, must be suppressed, covered up, and buried when interacting with a narcissist.
In a symbolic sense, tie yourself and your kind, compassionate heart to a tree or some immovable object so you are not tempted to follow the narcissist’s siren song. The song will sound beautiful, plaintive, designed to touch your heart strings. No matter what- IGNORE IT! Pretend your are Ulysses strapped to the ship, resisting the siren’s wail.
Your life is great as it is- don’t ruin it by setting your sail in a narcissist’s direction.
Why is this so important?
You can’t travel along with Narcissists because they never know where in the hell they are going.
Take my husband’s ex-wife for example. In the past 96 hours she has requested more child support, which needs to begin “immediately”. When he requests more documentation from her, she can not send it because she has left for the week. Huh? We ask the children where their Mom is and they don’t know. They weren’t even sure she had left.
Who ever knows, truly, where a narcissist “is”? They are neither “here” nor “there”. They make one grand, swooping statement after another never bothering to pay attention to how their position changes form one minute to the next. (As a side-note, you are NOT to notice these sweeping changes in position. If the Narcissist insists “Black!” and then says “White!”, you are supposed to understand. )
Narcissists are crazy-makers. If they were willing to participate in their own “Magical Mystery Tour” of life on their own that would be one thing. As they say, though, misery loves company and if there is anything a narcissist loves it’s company for their “joy ride”. Too bad your screams will not be ones of pleasure if you decide to travel with them.
Woah, So true. I was so long in realizing this dance. Wonderful, succinct clarity,here.
Thank you! Narcissism is so fatiguing to deal with , it helps to cut to the chase
A “Magical Mystery Tour” is right! A great post, Kimberly!
Ha! Ha! I always picture narcissist’s thinking their whole life is a magical tour. Of course, it’s disconnected from reality, but that does not bother them!
Completely! It’s the poor people who happen to be in their lives who are taking a tour!
you hit it on the head, I can’t imagine what you must be dealing with, when my children were young and the narcissistic intruded in our lives, (didn’t know anything about narcissism, just knew she was crazy) I was able to get ‘out of town’ literally’, I hadn’t had to deal with her ‘in person’, just in print is difficult. Keep up the good fight!
Yes, it concerns me that children are involved and they will look at her behavior and see it as “normal”. we have to work with the kids a lot- talking about compassion, awareness of others, etc. to counteract her self-centered views and teachings.
Oh my god, YES! I learned to IGNORE at all cost to my instinct to respond like a normal kind sane person would. Yeah, tie your heart to a tree, tight, so it doesn’t get swept up again and again…whew, exhausting. Exactly like the sirens, only little by little i started to see that the song, no matter what it sounded like or felt like was a plaint from the beast to lure.
I bet I could play poker now really easily! Oh, and that part about how we’re supposed to go along with it, the switching, the lie of the moment, the unbelievable grandiosity. Sick stuff! I have been taught with this experience to not respond so quickly to another’s plight. I will take care of myself, thank you! And am happy to share in joy but never ever ever again for someones obsessive neediness. And i will never again doubt that I am enough just as I am no matter what. I’ve learned that paying attention to myself and my own needs is the very best gift I can give.
Thank you Kimberly! What immensely important information you’ve written here.
I really love your words about worrying about your own life before being overly concerned about another’s plight. I went to bed thinking about those ideas last evening. such a guiding principle can really help you move through the chaos created by others. thanks!