Dance of Abuse
Abusive relationships are intricate in their dynamic. Layer upon layers build, distort, conform, and compromise culminating in a weaving that is as disturbing as it is tight. Below is a sequence of events from an abusive relationship I experienced years ago:
“Dance of Abuse”
You live your delusion-
pretty as an ant upon a picnic table
I stand in the yard of your new home
A chiding, girly comment seeking connection
Sucker-punch!- your condescending smile
Reeling, my balance regains
That is all the sign you needed
Water finds its own level and we certainly found ours
Other couples tango or salsa,
we limbo-d along
No depth too low
Size, rage, and sizable rage
Mark your territory
My intellect sharpens, vision keen
Come close, whispers I,
“It’s all my fault.”
You thought acquiescence and agreement
We both lied
And never heard the other half
“It’s all my fault” became the conspiracy
with our complicit agreement
If it’s all my fault, then I can fix it.
“How insane” the ant uttered
as it marched past carrying
thirty times its body weight.
With time, I realized the “power exchange” that was occurring between this individual and I. He was abusive. In order to gain some power and control, I would always say “It’s my fault”. Why? Because if it was may fault, then we both “agreed” that I had the power to fix it. What an absolute ridiculous creation I participated in. The ant, at the end, has a more realistic task in carrying its own body weight than I had of ever fixing everything for this sick individual. I learned a lot from this relationship. ONe of the things being how low I would go and how I would never go back to that level again.
It is hard to understand the poet’s expression completely but it is beautiful. I like the way poet explains the thoughts directly into words without changing them. Blessings and love.
thanks for your comment!
Every word of this is spot on. What an apt illustration – painful to read, but it’s things like this that simply must be written. I love it.
Thanks for your kind words! I truly thought I could ( and should) fix everything in this relationship. I have learned a lot.
I felt exactly that way when married to my ex-narcissist. Thanks for expressing this situation so well.
I am sorry you felt that way. It is painful, scary, and it takes some time before you get your feet under you enough to realize what the hell is going on.
Thanks. It very much does.
been there, done that, never will do it again nor go there again…we all learn…well…not so much the narcissist!
Laugh out loud!! this is so ridiculously true- they never learn!!