Healing Your Heart Between Anger and Forgiveness
Overcoming Guilt
Anger and Forgiveness
Guilt threatens companionship.
I created this picture to represent how we can feel our hearts and spirits are pulled in two directions. The picture is not “clean” and its a bit chaotic, as this is how it feels when we are stuck between two states. In the poem I speak about the pull between anger and forgiveness. Sometimes we are “blessed” with difficult people in our lives. In our hearts, we want to forgive and understand them. We want to heal them, show them love. But, by doing this, we end up off-center, chaotic. A large part of us wants the love and understanding that we are showing to be returned to us.
This is a reasonable expectation, except some people are incapable of valuing us in this way. We then set up an internal struggle- we want to love and forgive, yet at the same time we feel so angry at how we are being treated. We want to demand another way. And we feel trapped in between the two states.
Guilt may then arise. We feel guilty if we forgive, because now we haven’t valued ourselves. Guilty if we express anger, because we want to be a better person than this. Reading some people’s blogs about narcissism, by Paula
http://http://paularenee.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/a-lesson-about-loving-a-dark-soul
and Lynette
http://http://lynettedartycross.com
made me realize how common this in-between state is, especially when dealing with a narcissist in your life. I also thought of a wonderful piece about appropriate anger that I had read
http://http://impoweryou.org/2012/12/12/holiday-anger-a-gift-that-keeps-giving
Growth arises through tension. And, by allowing ourselves to feel the anger, the forgiveness, and the perhaps the guilt, we enter the flames of transformation. We are not existing as blind reactors to life, but rather, by allowing ourselves to feel and process, we reach a new state of awareness. Maybe anger is appropriate, maybe forgiveness, maybe neither. Whatever the state may be, we can treat ourselves, our feelings, and our hopes with the respect and compassion they deserve.
You are so good at putting these emotional states together, Kimberly. I look forward to reading (and viewing) more of your stuff in the year to come!
Thanks! I am always trying to find a sense of peace within it all
Happy new year!
Thanks also for honouring me in your post.
Absolutely! I think your words have been so helpful in understanding narcissism.
You said….I lie between two states: Anger and Forgiveness
Such dichotomy! the duality of the nature of man! If lucky, we learn to be selective in the placement of these emotions.
You said….Guilt threatens companionship.
Over a long period of time I was able to ‘sometimes’ displace ‘guilt’ that was ingrained in me, with a more gentle practice of ‘benign neglect’…something I read in an article a long time back.. once I started to think like that…the guilt went away and I didn’t feel threaten and I was then able to see how and where I can be effective in my selectiveness…of anger and forgiveness.
excellent post!
This was an excellent response! I love the idea of “benign neglect” and was thinking of this today. I really think this idea needs more exploration and if you have time, I would love to see you blog about it. What a peaceful way to handle any encounter. Thank you and happy new year.
thank you Kim and for putting me on the spot!
I will give that some thought, about benign neglect. It started slowly with me and now I don’t really think much about it. For starters…
A co-worker who grated on me, I knew she was harmless and that it was my own reactions to her actions/words, that pissed me off. I just started to ‘ignore’ words/actions…without putting labels on them in my own mind. That freed me up to attend to more serious issues directed at me (and there were many).
I also practiced it in traffic. I worked at a army base & when 9/11 happened, security became a daily hassle, before they streamlined it. There was NO WHERE to go, but to stay in line and wait while you cheeped slowly, even if you were going to be ‘late for work’. Horns would blow and people got out of line to go around to another gate to what…wait in that line! So I just sat there and practice breathing and benign neglect!
I’ll keep this in mind!
I just think this is such a wonderful, harmless way of being. It allows you to detach, but not completely check out. It is gentle and respectful. I like it.
I misspoke…the term I meant to use is benign indifference!
it came to me at 5 am…will continue with my thinking about this
Ha! Ha!
Funny how our minds work like this. Whatever the term, I love the idea of “benign”.
I usually get ‘the answer’ while I’m in the bath! currently have a bit of a chest cold so sleep has been fitful, I was up at 5 when ‘indifference’ came to me…could that have been a clue to me to be benign (kind) to myself? regardless, the point is about not cultivating negativity